i'm not hu u think i am

2005-06-18T23:15:00.000-07:00

i'm freeing my soul, detaching it frm everything and it's really hard....it's really not me but things seem to be looking up *hu am i kiddin* is it really? the right has taught me wrong and though it may seem trival....it's not to me....everything feels weird...there iz this air of vacancy drifting arnd me...oh wellz....life still goes on doesn't it? but i'm living for all the wrong reasons...and the best part iz...i dun even noe wad they are...haha...anywayz....i'm lyk freakin out these days....abt erm...dun wan to sae....make me sound so....haha lets juz sae it's reputation damaging...i can ardly believe myself....i'm goin crazy...insane....bonkers!!! wheex! it's delightful in a funny way too. haha i'm feelin naughty!! wheex! wad shld i do?? play wif matches and burn my clothes off hahahaha....i hope my hair doesn't catch fire....if not it'll look lyk my mom's....lolz...not a pretty sight though wahhahaha! utterly hilarious!!! haiz...ok...so right now....i'm happy abt erm... materialistic stuff?? *bangs head against wall* cannot cannot....haiz....anywayz....anywayz....u muz be thinkin i'm tokin crap agn...haha...wellz dun bother...i was juz pourin out my tots... atleast i'm almost freed...and i hope i dun fall back agn......

2005-06-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! i'm studyin at mc's tmr.....anyone care to join??? feel free to...wheex! *praying tt there will be an empty seat*

2005-06-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! wahahaa tonite's dinner was soo funny! who wld like to guess y.....hahaha okok...i'll tell you...but first i muz advice u pple readin tt my mom only knows a few of my friends...so dun get any funny ideas...it all started of abt me takin abt being in cat class last yr and the 2 cat helpers were made to tok to me one dae...and so they asked....wad if one dae i get the callin to be a nun...wld i be? well my ans was..."NO WAY!!!" God muz be crazy to call me...*at tt time* can u imagine wad kind of havoc i wld create??? wahahaha i'll walk arn'd in underwear doin striptease and swinging my habit. haha...and where wld i get tha money to buy a convertable?
mom: and old lao pork one lor...
kiara: haha...and i can't go the tha beach and sun tan...wearin shades and funky earings...
mom: hahha...can u imagine if teri, joan and anne become nuns as well haha...4 bald nuns on tha beach!
kiara: bald?? i dun wan to be bald!!!! eeewww.....heh heh..i'll buy a wick!
mom: eh heh heh...joan can be mother superior hahaha.....
kiara: yar...i'll buy a parrot and teach it to sae " i wish mother superior wld die soon!" and father Ho can bring in his parrot which says "Lord hear our prayers"
mom:haha...and teri will go "Oh! adam giv mi a kiss!" *she remembered hearin tt frm teri since our CNY hse visit this yr-juz a joke hor* and maybe by tt timehe'll become a priest ahahaha
kiara:haha...anne can play her maksim pieces and stick her world map on the ceiling...haha
mom: and wif her makeup and lipgloss.....haha...*does the 'anne' pout*
kiara: haha obakak!! wahahha....
mom: and timothy will be a priest...and justin also...hahaha...
kiara: hahha...think father william Goh!! *immitatin his indian accent* " my deeaar brrrothers and ssssiisssters!! how ish this pooossible??" wahahaha justin can be a sissy priest ahahaha
mom: hey it can happen wad...you pple will make revolution happen!
Kiara: huh?? but how? no birthday parties down town and watchin movies or giggling ourselves silly at sakae sushi.....
mom: can lah! y not? you all go together as a group on ya day of break lah...and if hazel becomes a nun she can also add to the fun...haha...the slow one *excuse my mom...she can be very critical at times*and gerry still taggin behind...not converted yet...haha
kiara: eh...but we will all be bald wearin funky earings!! wheex! haha and if anyone asks...i'll juz sae we juz had Chemotherapy wahahaha!!
dad: *calls frm the kitchen* eh! u pple eat faster and come in lah! people muz think u all siao laugh until lyk tt out der!!
mom: haha...and by tt time if comet iz still arnd....ahaha *i dun see wad so funni abt tt*
kiara: haha joan and her hamster...oh! now it's guinea pig! ahaha....can u imagin mother superior goin googoogaga over them...ahhahaha
mom: i think the pope muz come down and see this for himself!
kiara: haha...we'll all make up the nuttery *derived frm nunnery* i dun care! i'll blast the radio mom: no way! got mother superior there...
kiara: i'll go disco dancin! wheex! and sing "funkin hell and i wanna go home!!" in tha bathroom!!
mom: hmph! u better go confession...
kiara: I JUZ DID!! plus it's part of the song! it's not my fault!!
dad: if u ever get called to be a nun...ya whole mindset will change lah....
kiara: haha...i dun think so...we r too pervertic!! haha...teri will be painting nude potraits! all the nuns there will go..."JESUS!" why them?? of all people??" ahahha
mom: i wouldn't be surprised if i go and visit u all one day....haha*she laughed so hard she started fartin* *i ran frm the table*
END OF CONVERSATION!!-did i miss out anything? if i did i'll come back and add it ok....haha if u dun find this hilarious...i think u hav to hear it for yaself.....haiz...i noe...i'm bad at tellin jokes...rite...i better go...ciao! oh boy! i hope God nv calls me to be nun...i'll definately go crazy...i can't take tt kinda life....seriously!!

2005-06-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! wah lau!!! y nobody online ah?? got some secret gatherin tt i dunno abt izit? oh shit! wad did ms ng sae abt wah lau?? *recallin* something abt it being guy's a****** sth lyk tt...haha hu cares....nuthin to do wif tha female haha..okok....can someone bloody hell tell me how to change blog skin? i'm afraid tt everything might be erased with it...haiz....oh yar...yesterdae i saw this cute guy walkin his golden retriever..ermz....i wonder if it was that guy whom ahem ahem had a crush on...hmm...if so...den her taste izn't too bad..wahhahaha wad garbage am i tokin abt? oh fine...i nearly killed my dog...he actualli breathed a sigh of exhaustment and dumped his ass in th middle of tha road...infont of *u noe hu* sheesh! i literally had to drag him away frm tt barkin GR.....haiz...so to torture him i gav him an extra long walk tt dae..haha but guess wad..on the way home in the car, i caught tt guy *frm sfx* walkin his girlfriend home... actualli it was my mom hu spotted him...and she made my dad drive round another time juz to hav a better look....she juz couldn't believe her eyes....*sweatdrops* he nearly turned arnd and saw us in the car....how kpo can she get....sheesh! ah wellz..better get on wif mi hw...target-to finish it by end of this week...*counting sundae*

2005-06-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! yahoo!! multi taskin iz gd for ya baby!!! it makes ya brain more active and inproves hand-eye-ear-mouth coordination!! believe it or not!! and it SAVES time!!!! loads of time...but tt stupid bitch thinks otherwise..."cuz if u fail ya prelims ah.....i'll blah and i'll blah blah blah....and u can go and work in mc'donals for all i care....balh blah blah....." sheesh! i'm so sick and tired of hearin her nag....can't she juz FO??? bloody annoying...you're depriving me of maximising my time and potential....uh oh..now i sound lyk i'm giving a tok on sch values....shoot! i better shut up before my brain sprouts anymore gibberish.....ciao...gotta do my mathz....ARGH! *braindamage*

2005-06-01T22:48:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! ahz....another insane day has gone by....i can finally feel the eletricity of words flowing through my brain...activating my thoughts......yay! this time...it's english words...i repeat....ENGLISH!!! my language of my thoughts....hmm....speakin of thoughts....did u noe tt thoughts could be evil...noe wad? todae i was thinkin sadistic thoughts.....haha...quite grusome actually.....oh...but basically i mean evil in a diff way...evil in the sense tt they hurt u....like when u think too much and u get all depressed and down in the dumps....and thanx to wad?? nuthin but those evil thoughts....ok...it all started of good and everything...lyk enlightening you and bringing u up to the next level of erm....standard?? as in not up to ya standard-standard. right... bother bother...these stupid thoughts of mine keep gettin me into sticky situations...i juz realised tt i an even write a script on it....it's pretty scary....it's lyk i'm daydreaming a conversation wif someone and i'll sae my line out....lyk..."i told u so" out of tha blue....sheesh...it's dangerous....hu noes wad kinda gibberish crap abt my secret love like i might blurt out one dae. actually i almost did...worst still...to my own reflection in tha bathroom....*screams* i'm becomin an insane self-toker...and dun get me wrong....i'm NOT in luv wif myself....haha....tt juz came out wrong...ok... yar...so back to thoughts....so far tha pervertic *not found in the dictionary* mind of mine izn't in action yet...thanx to chinese...*curses* i'm missing my pervertic thoughts....thoughts, thoughts, where art thou pervertic thoughts? haha....i noe i noe...todae i'm a little obsessed abt shakespeare todae....holy crap! wad kinda insane maniac am i turnin into.....haha....pple muz think me nerdy....*bleah!* shhh.....dun spread this or i swear i'll kick ass....haiz....so where do i THINK i'm headed to right now?? straight for F9 for mi maths exam tmr....argh...do i care? sure i do....my brain does...my body doesn't...sheesh...tt sounds wrong....haaha...which might actualli be a gd thing....yay!!! ello to e pervertic side of muah!! cookie....think dirty thoughts...*chants* did i lyk hear tt on findin nemo or sth?? sth to do wif their fish tank?? not sure...oh wadever... hmm...juz wonderin..i mean...thinkin...how come they dun set essay qns on thoughts?? i think i might juz score A....haha...i'm braggin..*agn* dun listen to me. alrighty.....ltr got nip tuck!!! yippy! hooray!! i simply lurve tt grusome sadistic show!! slice baby slice! hmm hmm...tt juz look great....wahaha! korosen la!! heh heh...can't help it....juz gotta watch and make it food for thought...lalalala....ciao...
*one crappy entry*

~kiara~

2005-05-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

no unnecessary attention required

2005-05-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

"Would You Be Happier" Woo Did you ever wonder where the story ends, and how it all began, I do (I do, I do, I do, I do) Did you ever dream you were the movie star with popcorn in your hands, I did (I did, I did, I did) Do you ever think you're someone else inside, when no one understands you are (you are) And wanna disappear inside a dream but never wanna wake, wake uuuuuup Then you stumble on tomorrow, and trip over today [Chorus] Would you be happier if you were someone together Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather You're gonna be just fine (gonna be just fine) Are you not afraid to tell your story now, when everyone is done it's too late (too late, too late) Was everything you've ever said or done not the way you planned, mistaaaake So you promised that tomorrow, be different than today [Chorus] Would you be happier if you were someone together Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather You're gonna be just fineI think you're gonna be just fine You're gonna be just fineSo don't worry baby You're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today Would you be happier if you were someone together Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather I think you're gonna be just fine Would we be happier if we were someone together Would the sun shine brighter if we played a bigger part Would we be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather I think we're gonna be just fine I think you're gonna be just fine Don't worry baby Gonna be just fine Don't worry honey Gonna be just fine Don't worry baby Gonna be just fiiiiine

2005-05-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! Argh!!!! i'm juz so sick and tired of people making decisions for me and ruining my life!!! i think u shld noe whom i'm referin to....anywayz....O level chinese iz tmr....i dunno if i even hav faith in myself.....oh wellz.....i'll juz let things be....i guess i'll wake up wif another heart attack tmr...and hyperventilate during my exam....haha....i wonder what the results will be like. oh yar...sth funni happened todae...haha...i sprayed deoderant on mi dad's boxers and he went arnd the hse smellin lyk a perfume pot...haha.....haiz....didn't go session todae...spent the whole dae studyin.....i think i'm a little insane rite now hahahaha hehehehe heh heh heh muahahahah Wheex!! oh wellz....i've nuthin better to sae...this place iz dead....hu cares....ciao!

~kiara~

2005-05-20T03:38:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! here's mi fav chinese song...haha i guess this iz the onli one i'll like... 童话
忘了有多久再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事我想了很久我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子也许你不会懂从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿/要/会变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你你要相信相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
（会）一起写我们的结局 ~kiara~

2005-04-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

y iz everything so lyk tt?? can't i even take a break? why can't i hav my freedom? it belongs to me....well i guess i deserve nothing more than i get....but i can't help but feel that it is a little unfair....can't help but wish i was dead....why bother? why all this trouble? i giv up.....seriously i do....i dun giv a damn....i juz dun noe what to do anymore....i dun even noe what i want!

2005-04-01T23:25:00.000-08:00

died....gone....not comin back...

2005-03-25T20:56:00.000-08:00

i asked two little birds on a tree

how'd you know it's love and if it's meant to be

they said...

'when you love the other unconditionally'

2005-03-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! here iz a song i like=P

Over-Lindsay Lohan

I watched the walls around me crumble

But it's not like I won't build them up again

So here's your last chance for redemption

So take it while it lasts 'cuz it will end

My tears are turning into time I'm wasting

Trying to find a reason for goodbye*chorus* I can't live without you, can't breathe without you

I'm dreamin' about you

Honestly tell me that it's over

Is it the world is spinning and I'm still livin'

It won't be right if we're not in it together

Tell me that it's over

And I'll be the first to go

Don't wanna be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you

But at the same time, you're the heart that I call home

I'm always stuck with these emotions

And the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole

My tears are turning into time I'm wasting

Trying to find a reason for goodbye

*chorus* Over, over, over

My tears are turning into time I'm wasting

Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you, can't breathe without you

I'm dreamin' about you

Honestly tell me that it's over

Is it the world is spinning and I'm still livin'

It won't be right if we're not in it together

Tell me that it's over,tell me that it's over

Honestly tell me,

Don't tell me that it's over,

don't tell me that it's over

~kiara~

2005-03-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

You And I Both-Jason Mraz
Was it you who spoke the words
That things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice
I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
Others just read of
Others only dream of the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of
well I'm almost finally finally, well I am free
oh I'm free

and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang

you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now well I'm already finally out of I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede well I'm almost finally, finally out of words.

2005-03-12T00:00:00.001-08:00

"It Will Be Me"

When you start falling

Who's gonna catch ya

I'm willing to bet ya

It will be me

Who's gonna love ya

Like there's no other

Search and discover

It will be me

When all the others

Have gone and hurt you

Who won't desert you

It will be me

Weighing the options

So much to think of

But when you think love

It will be me

You may not see it now

Love is strange that way

Someday somewhere baby somehow

When you've been broken

And dreams don't oblige ya

Who's that beside ya

Oh, it will be meYou may not see it now

Love is strange that way

Someday somewhere baby somehow

Who'll be your only

True romancer

You know the answer

It will be me

What will it take to

Bring you to your senses

And finally convince you

It will be me

2005-03-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! i'm practically tokin to myself now....nobody comes here anyway.....it's a dead blog.... haiz....*sings* "all by myself......" -sniff- this iz stupid.....this iz retarded...i noe not hu to trust....i'm juz so lost....harlow!! can anyone hear me.....nope.....ok...fine....hi reflection...tok to me...argh!!! i'm crazy.....i have to be....lalalala i'm goin nutz.....everyone iz juz the same....the same old story i hear everytime......i'm sick and tired of hearing...i'm so sick of believing.....that i don't anymore...and everything juz falls to pieces....i see no meaning in this....i see no meaning in everything....i juz wan to sae i love u but i can't.....but i've said it a hundred and one times lyk it's nothing.....it juz spills...i hear it....i mean it.....u dun catch it.....haiz....reflection.....i dun believe anyone else iz as dumb as i am....i bet even u're snickering behine that glassy image.....oh....juz stop! stop this supid game....i wanna get off....i can't go on....sometimes u have so much love that u dun noe wad to do wif it....too much of it acts like a poison.....it's toxic....it hurts....and your soul dies.......u die....though not physically....but u feel yourself dying.....inside.....why? one word for all my questions. i feed on what's left....i'm grabbing onto every hope that comes by....they get smaller and smaller....they'll all soon vanish into thin air....leaving me wif nothing....i've nv had anything in the 1st place....why shld i care?? why can't i juz let it all fade?? can't i juz go to sleep and nv wake up?? i wish...what's all i ever wanted to do?? i dunno.......to love? i guess..... ~kiara~ *meaning every word*

2005-03-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz....finally manage to find sometime to come here and blog.....yupz... latest sucky poem --- -------- iz out......

Is That What Friends Are For?

You were the kind of friend

Who catches me before i fall

But somehow you've changed

Became this stranger i no longer know

Always hanging around someone else

You left me here all by myself

Or have you not noticed?

Have you already forgotten?

What about me?

I bent down to tie my shoe laces

That's fallen to the ground

And when i'm done

I look up to find you gone

The sun's not shining

The sky is darkening

And i'm left here waiting...

Waiting for you to turn back

And realise....

Is that what friends are for?

~kiara~

2005-02-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

We were talking to each other 'til dawn You put your arms around me and you asked me what was wrong I tried to be so serious, you smiled and played along You had to leave town tomorrow, yeah tomorrow you'd be gone We must have had the stars above and heaven on our side 'Cause we fell in love before we even made it through the night But you were leaving town, and started another kind of life You walked me to the door and we tried to say goodbye Maybe I've never found the right way I kept my love hidden underground Baby I wish that there was some way That I could turn the clock around But I couldn't sleep, I called up everybody that I knew All my friends said that I'd be crazy if I waited 'round you I wanted to believe then so I called to say we're through But when I heard your voice, it nearly broke my heart in two Maybe I've never found the right way I kept my love hidden underground Baby I wish that there was some way That I could turn the clock around Don't say you're gone, I'll find you Someday... Well I jumped into my car but as I headed down the road I knew that when i got there, there might be nobody home You had gone away forever, and you left me all alone Now I was on my own Maybe I've never found the right way I kept my love hidden underground Baby I wish that there was some way That I could turn the clock around

2005-02-20T19:33:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! todae i was juz sitting in the ador room...thinking abt wad a lousy friend i've been...to all u reading this....i'm sorry....i noe i'm not the most well-liked person in ya life but u all matter alot to me....yar...and sorry for the times i've let u down....anywayz...i wrote a poem...i dunno how it connects to this but i'll post it anyway...not very nice but heck=)

Where I Get Off

All that i can see

Is a dark and endless tunnel

My hopes are like the lights

That disappears out of sight

With everyone that passes

A new one arrives

It doesn't matter anymore

That i prefered the old

I never want to move on

But the train's going too fast

How I wish that it would stop...

And finally it does

That's where i get off

As life goes on

One hope passes after another

And i find myself

With no reason left

To carry on

This is where i get off

~kiara~

2005-02-16T22:20:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! ok...this iz for lila since she wants me to blog sth...and since i've nothing to sae...i guess i'll complian....why i'm so PEK CEK these days...ok...there are altogether 3 reasons...the major one which no one knows, the minor one which the few pple i've told think tt i'm making a big deal of....ok...i feel extremely stupid abt tt...but i'm still PEK CEK!!! ok...so i guess i'll have to keep it in...once agn...haiz...i'm selfish by nature....wad can i do? i've tried to change...*believe me u dun noe how selfish i actually am* only succeeded on the outside...so it's like i'm split into half... one iz saying stop being so selfish while the other half iz screaming I DON'T CARE!! WHY SHLD I?? THEY SAY THAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR SO LET IT BE LAH!!! DEN I SHAN'T BE FAIR TOO!! THE WHOLE BLOODY WORLD IZ LIKE TT WHY SHLD I EVEN TRY NOT BEING SELFISH WHEN IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!! AFTER ALL EVERONE STILL SAYS I AM WHEN I'M TRYING NOT TO BE EVERYONE JUDGES ME NOT LYK I DUN JUDGE THEM BUT THAT'S HOW IT"S LYK!! WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...WHY SHLD THIS BE ANY DIFFERENT?? WHY IZ IT ALWAYS ME?? AND WHY IZ IT NV ME? FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN I CAN BET U THAT IN MY LIFE THERE ARE MORE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN EVEN NOW I'M BEING YELLED AT WHY CAN'T I EVER HAV PEACE? WHY? WHY? WHY? ok....selfish thinking huh? well unfortunately pple.....esp those hu hav known me for every long....that iz how i actually am....that iz how i think...i'm reealing my true self...welcome to my world....i was nv corrected i was nv faulted for it....not until i realised that it's actually bad to think lyk tt.....right after this some of you might consider being my friend... haha ok...see what happens when i don't wear a mask?! now i'm taking it off for u to see! happi?? ok...3rd reason why i'm pek cek...MY INDEX NO.!!!!! this is so irritating!!! i've waited for 9 yrs to not the the guinea pig for oral, to not sit right in front, stuck in a corner by the door, and everytime i look at the board, i get this stupid reflection thing so much so that i hav to squint to look at the time and teachers think i'm copying. *CAN THAT BLOODY BI_ACH JUZ SHUT UP ALREADI?* and i can't see what's going on because the whole class iz behind me and i always ALWAYS am made to collect the papers and knowing how blur i am, when it comes to index no.order, i don't know and i have people yelling my name...and most of the time i get called to start reading first! and then when it comes to the gd stuff, teachers always go "ok i know how the last gurl feels being last why not let her go first?" ok thats fine...i'm fine with it... but i'll have people walking pass me and laughing, saying "the first shall be last and the last shall be first!!" hey! it's not like i asked for it....it's not like i even enjoy being first!! as they always sae...1st the worst! dun they ever think what the first person has to go through?? and during exams, the people sitting around me are all....u shld noe.....and during confirmation, i was put infront so i said to my cat teacher "u put me here cuz i'm short right?" and he said "no...i put u der cuz ya name begins wif 'A' and i had this really tall person behind me....wad a laugh....and because i was 1st, the other class had extra space and they juz slot me in der....so i wans't even sitting with my class! and during PE last yr i had to sit directly infront of judy low because i'm 1st and this year they had this stupid "muz-stand-in-index-no.-order-for assembly" thing for the convinence of the teachers! and i had to stand infront of course! and miss chow always petrol that area and glances at our uniform every single morning and u noe how i hate wearing my belt so high and so tight and so yar...i kind of kena told off by her one morning and they always make me go up and ans tt stupid "current affairs" question every single morning! and one dae i had braces for the 1st time and i cldn't tok properly IN THE MORNING and the person was lyk "huh?" and for every test paper that comes back, i'm the 1st to get it and everyone will stare at me when i walk up....and i hate people staring at me!! and for everything else i'm 1st and believe me i'm sure that there are more bad things to it...i wld write it dwn if i can rmb....but izn't this enough?? and i have people asking me..."whats so bad abt being 1st?" OK HERE IT IS EVERYTHING THAT IZ BAD ABT IT!! and of course you'll be thinking...so??? there are others also or no biggie....fine! if thats what u want to think so be it!! i'm selfish rmb....i'm full of myself!!! there! mind u....it's been 9yrs!! 9YEARS!!!!

2005-02-13T22:10:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haha todae was so funni....so...my relatives came over pretty late and ended up playing with my dog...haha...my poor doggie was the monkey in the middle...ok...so we had dinner...YAYz!! all my fav food and i competed wif my cousin hu cld eat more rice hahaha i won!!! yay!! to a guy!!! whee~ and of course there was the pervertic-dun-underestimate-me tok and then my mom was askin my cousin if he had found a gurl friend yet...haha...no...so my mom asked my other cousin's gurl friend to intro some but they were all too old...so they asked me. wahaha...i said tt i cld throw him a 21st birthdae bash and invte all my friends...haha...thats when my mom thought of teri! haha shld be matured enough for him lah....haha...so i was telling him the criteria for hooking up wif tee...haha i dun think he can make it=) can't realli take suaning haha...he iz sucha sweetie! awwww.....haha...but he suan others no prob la. haha...so after dinner, they saw the photo of the whole sotong clan on the shelf and i made them guess which one iz teri. wah not bad...not bad...denial iz quite a gd guesser when it comes to gurls...haha. hav to be la...he's married lolz...the rest tot was hazel or joan and my uncle tot was anne wahahahaha then lover boi came along and he guessed joan haha...den i said "r u sure??" den he said gerry hahaha...so funni so denial and i were laughing at how bad they all were at guessing gurls...hahaha so later i showed em the album of the bbq at teri's house and asked him to guess agn haha i even told him tt she was in a pic of 3 of us onli...as in teri, me and joan and he said joan. hahaha probably cuz she was giving tha "i'm shy but gorgeous" look hahaha anywayz... my auntie was lyk hiya we dun hav to tell him hu teri iz la...but we noe hu to invite hahaha... awwww my cousin being tha gentlemen tt he iz juz sat der and read the newspaper hahaha ok...i support him...he iz one guy hu ain't a bustard i wld probably go out wif him if he wasn't my cousin hahaha....i'm serious XD right....so after we played bridge *losers had to drink warm shandy* lyk 10 times, we took grp photo and my aunt was lyk oi! edwin stand in front leh...muz be in tha front pg and my mom joined in the fun by saying that it was him that i wanted to sell... haha sooo fun XD shld hav seen his face....awwwwww hahaha...okok...so they went home pretty early and guess wad...when they stepped out of the hse, we found out that comet had bitten my aunt's and my cousin's wife's shoes hahaha....my dog sure hav expensive taste...lyk me =X noe why?? cuz they were wearing expensive leather shoes...wahahahaha so funni so my poor doggie got scolding agn and my mom was shocked beyond words hahaha and the funiest thing was tt my cousin's socks were all soaked wif....pee i think wahahaha at first he didn't ne and he was laughing abt how his sports shoes were saved...hahaa so it was my elder cousin hu had the last laugh after all...haha my poor poor cousin....got suan by me, black-mailed my me, lost to me once in bridge and got his socks soaked hahaa anywae my aunt asked he husband to bring out her driving shoes frm the car and she left her leather shoes here to be thrown away...hahaha my mom wanted to take a pic of it! lol....it also had siliva on it hahaha ok mom naggin better zhao.... ciao!

~kiara~

2005-02-13T13:40:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! here's a song depicting my life.....
fallen
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen... I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

~kiara~

2005-02-09T23:02:00.000-08:00

if angels fly why can't i die if all these are fake why does my heart break if this is what it's for why do humans fall if you don't bother to ask why do i wear this mask if i'm trapped in this maze why do i still have faith if it's ment to be why doesn't it happen to me if everything changes with time why do i commit the same crime if love is all that matters why does the mind falter if this is all it takes why do i have to wake if everyday is new why dosen't my soul heal

2005-02-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

Not Pretty EnoughAm I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too muchAm I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too muchAm I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me

2005-02-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

i say things everydae...the things i don't mean are those i sae properly.....those i mean with all my heart....are the stuff i mumble and wish it could be heard.....haiz.....
the thing i learned over the past week... *almost everyone will side with you when you are right-the proper office of a friend iz to side with you even when you are wrong*

2005-01-15T15:50:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! hi pple!! at lizzie's hse now so i can blog!!!! yay!!!! haiz..feeling crappyly depressed right now...plus that sinking feeling abt not studying bio yet....but wad the heck...i did NOT come here to tok abt sch. anywaez...i want to make a point clear to everyone...FISHES DON'T HAVE BALLS!!! that's why pple make artificial ones...wahahaha.....for kicks i guess...hahaha...juz think abt it...ikan bola...hahaa why don't they make crab bola too??? haiz...insult the fishes...poor fishes yuck! and pple actually enjoy eating them...hahah....oh yar...i juz rmbed...sotong bola....haha...i guess the onli kind of balls i lyk to eat r sotong ones...hahaha....why do they make balls for all the creatures thatdon't come wif balls? lolz...hahah...todae we were tokin abt gettin b'dae prezzies for some ppl...wahaha...hmm...lets see...a pink lacy strapless one for joan...and maybe a cold one....that u can put in tha freezer than wear it...wahhahaha...*start saving money!!* better post this before she comes back...shoot! ciao! kiara~

2005-01-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz...tmr got sch.....*groan* i dunno how i'm gonna get through tmr..dunno how i'm gonna get through the yr....*damn* ok...i hate 1st days....argh!! noe wad...this might be my last entry...i've got banned frm bloggin....this yr....*sniff* so yar....as my supposedly last entry...umm...i'm not sure wad to sae...haiz....so depressin...*last entry* *sob* haiz....really gonna miss tokin and taggin u ppl online *sigh* haha....i've nuthin else to sae...except tt tha potluck party was FUN hahaha....hope we can get together agn....haha....ok....i think i better go...i haven't taken out mi nail polish yet....hahaha......tmr i'll be screwed...haiz....yupz...so to u guys...all the best this yr....i'm sure tt as long as we support each other...we'll make it through this rough yr!!! yay!!! okie...better go...haha....ciao! ps: will blog ang during hols or whenever i can=)

~kiara~

2004-12-30T00:08:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz....it's so hard to live a normal life....being who i am....haiz...why can't i juz be lyk the others? why muz i be so different? it's not as if i asked for it...haiz...ppl see me as some little gurl...an immature one...probably cuz i act lyk one...fine....maybe i do...maybe i'm used to lettin ppl treat me lyk one...but sometimes the things they sae....i've to pretend i'm not affected by it... but i can see wad the way they look at me...can see that they think i'm much too young...for wadever....haiz....some ppl hav no idea....*tryin to act normal* ~kiara~

2004-12-28T01:13:00.000-08:00

yozies~here's a poem....dun get me wrong...it doesn't refer to anyone=)

Hoping You Would Notice

I was talking and cryin

On the phone at one in the morning

Wanting you to understand

Hoping you would notice

I was trying so hard

To capture you’re heart

By doing the things I normally wouldn’t

Hoping you would notice

I was looking out for you

Trying to catch your eye

Wishing you were here with me

Hoping you would notice

I was avoiding you

And pushing you away

Wondering if you care

Hoping you would notice

I did all I could to be loved

To see you smiling back at me

Though you’ve hurt me so

Hoping you would notice

~kiara~

2004-12-26T22:33:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS!Haiz…..wad am I suppose to say?! Lyk hu wld want to listen anyway….ah wellz….had too much voka yesterdae…so tired….i woke up to find tt it was already 10 o’clock and I missed mass!!!…so i rushed all the way der….oh god! Soo soreee liz…I feel soo guilty…soree =( but u didn’t hav to ignore me the whole morning rite…haiz…fine…maybe u had too…wadever la…haiz….hay…guess wad…I’m watching The Swan right now…sheesh…I dun think they r tt pretty lorz *bleah* but they sure look a lot better…wow! BIG HUGE change…..ok….tt iz in another world far far away……ain’t gonna happen here….seriously this hols hav been the worst ever…I look back and ask myself why…but I dunno….or maybe I dun wan to noe myself…and there r things tt I hav wanted to do but didn’t in the end…guess it’s rather stupid…and I’m glad tt I didn’t still…argh!!! Wad am I talking abt??? Sheesh! How come my life has to be so complicated? How come I’m the one hu notices things and sees the big picture when others dun??? How come I’m always the unlucky one? Ok…that’s my fate I guess…to let others hav all the gd…by taking their bad place…ok fine….as long as ppl are happi….it doesn’t really matter does it?? Haha….yup…I try to smile but I can’t rmb….*sings along to tt song* Ps: the spirit is willing but the flesh iz reluctant =) ~kiara~

2004-12-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz....todae so crazy all the sotong memberz got together agn...except someone.... aniwae...hazel had this family-relative party and we were umm...uninvited i guess...or...not realli la...wellz....teri had this crazy idea of gettin vokar...*agn* hee....soree lah...not as nice as the bbq dae...haiz....haha... but i drank quite abit anywae....and haha....anne!! little gurl!!! wahaha...not a gd drinker...haha i feel bad for the floor....haha...the poor floor....had to drown in vokar....lol guess wad i met gillian's brother todae....omg!!! he seem to be frm a diff universe frm her...and i suan e sotong clan todae...wahaha....so fun!!! heh heh....latr we went to buy food at chomp chomp and went to tee's hse to eat....tok till eleven thirty...*groan* come back onli get nagged at and scolded and forced to feel guilty haiz....tts mi life i guess....wellz...but it's probably the price i hav to pay for all my friends...haha...my fantastic friends!!! yay!!! they r all soo nice!!! i dun deserve em....i noe....haha....THANX GOD!!!!! muack!! luv all of u! XD haha....dun need alcohol ton get high....wif em arnd...haha....haiz....wad a crazy dae....eating ham and all sorts of other stuff...oh... tee's black forest cake was lovely.....sooo nice!!! too bad i was too full to try e cheese cake....haiz... nvm la....lol i'm sucha pig....haha...better go...ciao....it's past x'mas liao....*sniff* but wad e heck... MERRY X'MAS guys!!! lurve ya lots=)

~kiara~

2004-12-24T12:06:00.000-08:00

yo yoz yozies yozies!....haha...yay!! it's x'mas eve!! *sniff* sotong dae ove juz lyk tt...oh!! thanx everyone!!!! for e prezzies!!! luv all of ya lots XD heh heh!! no lah...i think tt the best prezzie i got this yr iz all mi frienz!!! hahaha....muz get into tha x'mas spirit...i can't imagine wad mi live will be lyk wifout u guys...so....yupz...as usual...if u wanna noe wad we did on sotong clan dae...go read lizzie's blog=) sorree sis...too lazy to type lah...and dun "OI!" me kkz....cya a'rnd

2004-12-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

Here, here I am again

And I'm starin at these same four walls
Alone again
And now, all the colors blend
And I'm growing numb
And I've become this empty page
Hold on, its tragic
Stumbling through all this static
I just wanna talk to you
And my broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that I'm the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round
My love, look at what you've done to me
For someone who has felt so strong
It's amazing I'm completely gone
Hold on, its tragic
Stumbling throuh all this static
I just wanna talk to you
And my broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that im the only
But I'm one who's crawling on the ground,
When you say love makes the world go 'round
It's not the love you give me
I'd rather be alone, believe me
It's not the way you're 'posed to treat me
I'd rather walk away
I just wanna talk to you
And my broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that im the only
But I'm one whos crawling on the ground,
When you say love makes the world go 'round, yeah
You say love makes the world go 'round
Everytime you try to tell me
I dont care you're not the only
Dont you know I'm coming back around
Cuz I say love makes the world go 'round, yeah
Cuz I say love makes the world go 'round

2004-12-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz...i wish i wish i wish.....maybe it ain't so impossible after all...haiz...but i dun wan to regret it later....wad if....i crash half way??? umm.....haiz...i dunno realli dunno....why izit tt i'm the only one who can help myself...fine.....fine fine.....nvm...shldn't boter the world abt some stupid little....umm...little big future i'm attempting....ohh wellz....i might as well giv it a shot...i dun mind spending my entire life pretending and faking personalities yay!!! juz thinking of it....wow!!! hey! it's gonna be my life.....actualli it's alreadi my life...juz wonder if i wld qualify for the auditions....haiz....i guess not....oh yar...i'm everything ppl hate....haiz....i dun deserve the place...ah well....i seriously dunno...and i'm not gonna think abt it for the next decade....*yar right* lyk i cld....argh!!!! i'm driving myself nuts!!! shut up and go and die la!!!! *sob* i can't i can't....u idiot! juz quit thinking!!! oopz....soree dun bother.....juz another personality fight....i'd better get out b4 it starts up agn....i've got some serious murdering to do....

~kiara~

2004-12-13T12:15:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz....sooo satisfied....i'm done wif christmas shoppin and writting cards...whoa...i broke record this yr...19 over cards...and still counting....one more thing though....the sotong clan dae planning...umm....i realli x1000 hope this one will be great....damn...liz!!! tt thing how?!? muz get together another dae and do it...argh!!!! *panics* and yar...i won't sae wad i've been doin tha past few daes...cuz it's all been down one lizzie's blog...so u can juz pop over der and read...oh... and btw...gd news for u....i mean mi dear sis...i can go for ya concert...haha....soo funny...todae at a-maths tuiton...teri told me she won't be back next sat...and later my teacher also told us tt he can't make it...so i'm going on thur...argh crap! a-maths den chinese...wonder how i'm gonna hav my dinner...maths start at 5.30, ends at 7.30pm and chinese starts at 8...tt means half an hr dinner...including the torturous braces i'm gonna put on...haiz....anywae...the point iz juz...ican go to ya concert...haha...i'll nv forget the look u gav me when i told u tt i might not be able to go...u looked lyk a 5yr old about to burst into tears cuz her mommy couldn't arrange a birthdae party for her....hahaha.....i didn't noe it wld make tt big a diff for me not to go...haiz....wellz...as for the sotong clan dae thingie...call me kkz...i'll tell ya the details...and oh....now u noe how it's lyk having to be asked soo many qns when u go out...haiz....i wldn't wish it on anyone though...i noe how annoying it is....esp when the ppl askin r the ppl u dun feel lyk tokin too.....u get wad i mean rite...
hey gerry....call me kkz...i forgot to update u on sth...and u still need to tell me some umm...stuff...haiz...wad else do i need to tell u?!....umm...right! when we r gonna exchange prezzies...oh...same for liz too....
umm...teri....call me too when u get back...need to settle and confirm stuff...
hi kor...plz sms me ya addie....plz....thanx in advance*if u're stupidly wondering why*u'll find soon....
hi di r u back frm ya hols yet?? where on earth did u find a comp while sightseeing in NZ?!?
haiz....wellz...i think tts abt all i hav to sae...oh yes...and to all the ppl....who know me...der will be a bbq at teri's hase on the 22nd...in the evening *this includes all youth grp ppl*...plz spread e word arnd ya...and call me if u hav any qns....
right...it's kinda late...not acutalli...argh! wadever...i see no use of staying here....so ciao! see u guys soon

~kiara~

2004-12-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! whoa....it's rainin cats and dogs agn!!! wadda xian afternoon!!! haiz......i feel soo guilty...not doin my maths or studying bio...haiz....but something inside tells me it's all gonna be fine....oh yar...i forgot to mention....i've juz finished tt bk "under my spell" was umm...not exactly wad i wanted to read....but i'm satisfied tt i've completed it and can daydream abt all the stuff in der hmm....not wad u think ok!!! it has nuthing to do wif...umm...tt stuff....but it's the beauty of magic...juz imagine....all the stuff u can do wif powers...i'm sure i cld make the rain stop right now...infact there iz this funny happy air abt the way the sky iz rumbling....haiz....i wld luv to snap my fingers and do up my hair in juz 2 sec in the mornings...not bad!!! i can hav any style the way i like it!! how great iz tt?! den i dun need to spend all tt money on prom...haiz...heh heh.. oh!! i can cheat in my O's as well...no one will noe...haha...oh! and i can shink guys' umm...i shan't sae*giggle* wahahaha*hits self* i'd better stop daydreaming....ah.....if onli....ok....nuf said...i dunno why i'm online...think i better go and make a nice cold frutty blended b4 the fruits start cursing me haha....lalalalala

~kiara~

2004-12-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

AaRrGgHh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-12-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! i've so much to say....den agn I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IZ HAPPENING!!! i can't believe this juz happened....haiz...the best part iz that it hardly affects me....ok...maybe it does...but not in a bad way....in fact i'm quite happy with the peace and quiet and my freedom to turn on the com. wifout a chicken backside face scowling at me....haiz....i sure dun miss it at all....and since i luv drama in my life...it's actualli quite fascinating to hear my mom scream "wad do u wan? u want to kill me?? go ahead!!! u want a DIVORCE?!?" to my dad....wow!! wad a sensitive drama mama she iz.....heh heh....she went frm asking my dad nicely wad was it tt was making him so grouchy to crying that she'll get rid of the dog or the fishes or wad ever thats making him the way he is....i was silently hoping and expecting her to sae my name as well....haiz....fat hopes...i bet if she wanted to get rid of me...it wld be running away and draging me along....argh!!!! frustrating!! i dun even feel lyk i own my life....*sigh* my whole childhood iz spoiled...all becuz my mom was sucha overprotective freak!!! thank god i opened my eyes and saw that i wasn't normal....umm...i mean...i wasn't lyk the other kids....i guess i was so furious...i rebelled!!! yupz...and i still hate em for it! every now and den i hav to snap at my mom to remind her that i dun belong to her....and i hav to glare at my dad to remind him that he doesn't run my life....was kind of a bloody f****** life do i hav?! *sigh*.....i dun even want it.....and hu cares wad the hell they do?! ok...umm...sorri god....yes i noe i hav to be thankful for wad i hav...but i realli dun want all that i have....and yar....i shld be obedient to my parents....but how can i when they act lyk kids younger den my age?!? and i hav to pick up the piecies and pretend nuthing happened... how can i?!? oh wellz...believe it or not...i hav been...all my life...and guess wad...i think i hav to pull it off agn....without any support....haiz...i can do it i can do it i can do it......no...i have to do it....argh!!! i pray i'm as gd a pretender as i've always been...somehow...someway.... i've GOT TO pull it off...great!!...and i'm left wondering how. My dad iz sleeping downstairs...my mom on the bedroom floor...maybe i shld sleep in my room tonite...ok...people reading this will definately think i'm nuts...wad the heck....juz f**** off!!! oops...i think teri's bk has realli gotten those vilgor language stuck in my vocab...right... before i end off....here's a poem....i wrote todae...

Something Gets To Me

I looked up and gazed

Into the depths of its darkness

Hoping to see a star or two

But there were none tonite

Somehow the serenity of it all

Made it seem so blissful

I took a breath

Enjoying the cool night air

The cold wind against my face

Sweeping away the hurt and pain

A sense of deja vu crusing through

Feels like i've always know how to fly

The suffocating breaths

The excitment in my heart

A smile somehow seems irresistable

At this point in time....

~kiara~

2004-12-06T21:10:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz...i dun dee the need of comin online nowadays.....the com was sth man invented that wasn't ment to be part of our lives anyway......oh wellz....life has gone back to being boring.... where did all those fun days go? i think i liked it better when there was only the telephone....haiz. this place iz so silent, so emotionless....no personal touch of it's own... damn...got dentist app. tmr...dunno if they r fixin mi braces tmr...oops.....i haven't picked wad color yet...haiz... hey liz.....mi dear sis...hope u dun mind bringing my shirt for me tmr...i can find no other perfect dae to burden myself with an extra garment...and oh...i've finished to 2 WHICH bks alreadi....eill pass to ya tmr...and tt skirt u lent me....do i owe u anything else? oh...haha....tt simple gifts bk*haven't finisehed yet* fine...i'll return ya 'which' christopher pike one....yupz...tts all...byez... *gonna drown myself in one of those thick novels....haiz....more luv stories i guess.....

2004-12-05T23:35:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haha!!! yay!!! todae soo fun!!! we went caaarisstma shoppi !!!!! lol....bought most of the people presents liao!!! lets see....bought haze's, gerry's, di di's & kor kor's, church ppl's, class ppl, mommy....yay!!! left teri & lao shi's not bought yet...haiz....still need x'mas cards & wrappin paper...haiz...maybe i shld use comic paper agn!!! hahaha....mi trade mark!!! haha...i'm forever cuttin out nice big pieces of paper and turnin em into wrappin papper for prezzies and diaries.... haiz....so tired!!! walked practically the whole dae....we had cheap cheap lunch at food court at centre point and expensive dinner at sizzler's...wah!!! i had medium well-tenderlion steak!!! so ex!!! burned a big hole!! haha....but was nice la...den on the way home in the car, we sang x'mas carols!!! haha...we make a great choir...or shld i sae band?! no lah...no instruments...haha....toked alot of crap todae also..includin all tha fightin*not alot actualli* haiz.....the best shoppin dae of the yr...i muz sae...u nv noe how many friends u hav until u hav to buy prezzies!! guess wad....i juz came back, wrapped all the stuff *can't stand unwrapped stuff lyin around* and they all actualli fit into the extra space in the green box....cool...right...veri tired...wanna zzzzzz...still muz bath haiz....for once i dun feel guilty spendin so much in one dae=) *250 over bucks* right...gtg...ciao! can't wait for x'mas...hee hee XD *sings 'Winter Wonder Land* skips around the room. oh yar...we met 3 ppl todae too...shan't sae hu...oh wellz...did i sae i was goin? yupz...heh heh...byez..

2004-12-04T23:05:00.000-08:00

Where Did I Go Right?

I'm always too late

I see the train leaving

I'm always laughing

When it's not cool to smile

I'm always aiming

But somehow keep missing

So how did you get here

Something is wrong

[CHORUS:]

Where did I go right

How did I get you

How come all this blue sky is around me

And you found me

Where did I go right

How did I get you

I don't know how I did

But somehow now I do

I'm always driving

Forget where I'm going

Should have turned left

But I was singing some song

And I, I am arriving

As everyone's leaving

But there you are waiting

Something is wrong

[CHORUS]

Makes no sense to me

No it isn't clear

But somehow you're standing here

Something gets to me

It's that nothing is wrong

[CHORUS 2X]

2004-12-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

I waited and waited

Finally you came

But upon that lovely face

There wasn't a smile for me

I know that what i've done

Have offended you so

I wanted to say sorry

But you won't understand

So once again i tried

To make you laugh and grin

Hoping you wld forgive me

and show me love i don't deserve-

~kiara~

2004-12-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

i hate em...i hate myself...i hate everyone!!! i hate my life!!!! i dun deserve anything either....so wad am doing here?! WAD?! *sinks*

2004-12-02T18:55:00.000-08:00

All The Shit That You Do

You did things behind my back

I knew

You tried to cover up

I saw

You used me without thought

I forgave

You lie and deny

That's fine!

You were the sensible one

Of the two

But now it seems

That i'm that one

I didn't say anything

I shan't say anymore

What do you take me for

You managed to fool others

You can't fool me

I can't believe

You thought I wld fall

I was merely giving you

The benefit of a doubt

I'm keeping my distance

Why should i care

I know not why myself

And i know you not, anymore...

~kiara~

2004-12-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

_a new mth...another fresh start...i hate SI!!! i dunwan anyone to win...but if i had to choose....well..i'll sae sly...dunno la...dun ask me....haiz...so ristricted...onli get to spend 1/2 hr online...argh!!! my life rox!!!!*think reverse*=) btw....i lyk tt song tt sly sang...it's better den fik....think it's called i dream. oh yar!!! miracle happened!!! my dad lyks cOmEt XD!!!hee...his's one obedient intelligent doggie :D...yupz tts all tonite...ciao!

~kiara~

2004-11-30T23:45:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz...todae....so guilty....*shan't say*right...atleast we r gettin somewhere...this x'mas... anywae....i came back...tok to mi doggy....haiz...dunno if it understands...wad the heck....haiz haiz haiz....so xian.....so many things to do this mth suddenly......ah wellz....soon it will be all over...*gasps* Os!!!! argh!!!!!! nvm...i shall shut up.

2004-11-29T23:53:00.000-08:00

I Am

I am a poet writing of my pain.

I am a person living a life of shame.

I am your daughter hiding my depression.

I am your sister making a good impression.

I am your friend acting like i'm fine.

I am a wisher wishing this life weren't mine.

I am a girl who thinks of suicide.

I am a teenager pushing her tears aside.

I am a student who doesn't have a clue.

I am the girl sitting next to you.

I am the one asking you to care.

I am your best friend hoping you'll be there.

~kiara~

2004-11-28T23:05:00.000-08:00

to liz(reply to last entry): i'm not leaving, i'm not adapting...to everything...i try to fit...but i juz dun belong...and i hate myself too...infact i'm starting to hate everyone... and hey!!! u stole my "i'm happy...hu am i kiddin" line!!! *strangles u* right abt todae....argh!!! so pissed*bangs head against the wall* wif myself....i wish the ground will open and swallow me whole!!! i wish i wish....yar rite! fat hopes...sniff...feel so sad...why ah? i also dunno......once again...no where to run, no place to go, finding myself here...looking for a cure impossible to find....ok....if i tok anymore....nvm...ciao. *pek cek* *pissed* *feel lyk an idiot* kill me plz!!!

2004-11-24T17:45:00.000-08:00

When everything around

Comes tumbling down

God is full of surprises

Once again the sun he rises

To brighten my day

Chasing grey clouds away

Finally! At last!

When the real me was fading fast

He showed and brought to me

A special gift to be

lOvEd-

~kiara~

PS: yay! i'm getting the impossible!!! am i dreaming?!? i had better not be again=)

2004-11-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

When the world seems dark and cold

As my teenage life unfold

Heal my heart and soul

Once more making me whole

~kiara~

2004-11-22T23:20:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! my head iz pounding....wif every beat of my heart.....too many dilated blood vessels muz be...and i'm so tired...not physically....but mentally.....haiz....wad can i do? i realli dun hav a choice....anywaez....i worked frm 9 to 6 todae....wah.....so boring...no one to tok too....cuz liz went back....got headache...i took a longer time to hit me though...haha...i juz tahan until it was time to go mass....haiz....slight onli la...no biggie...yay!!! i made it for so many hours!!! so pround of miself!!!! hahaa...no la...jkjk...anyway...sundae...was...wellz...umm...said by liz liao...so yupz...i shan't tok abt it....right...tmr we r goin ZOO!!!!! sheesh!!! i hav no idea wad the day has instore for me....wellz....we'll juz wait and see...btw...guess wad! i got a blender for x'mas...izn't that something housewives get? haiz....but i'm grateful...at least i get to blend fruit drinks wif crushed ice now.....yay!! i'll juz hav to be careful not to drop seeds inside...lol...no offence teri....haha...oh great!! haven't buy x'mas prezzies yet...hav a realli bad feeling....haiz....oh wellz...i hope i can get everyone the stuff they want...haiz....i juz want everyone to be happy....*sniff* no more shawl for myself...haiz...juz another stupid sacrifice....i hav to make....wellz....lets juz hope tt my wish comes true this yr....tts all i ask for....but den agn...it's all i ever ask evry yr....yr aft yr...so far so gd....i've to wait and see wad happens in the future....haiz.....ok....mi jie naggin at me to go sleep ..fine...ciao!

2004-11-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm happy...i'm... *hu am i kiddin!*

2004-11-17T18:22:00.000-08:00

i'm almost der....juz need to try alittle harder.......................................and everything will be fine... gotta keep holdin on.... ok...i'm tokin crap agn...haiz.....*license to bullshit* yay! guess wad i had for lunch todae? curry udon, cold soba, 6pieces of sushi and green tea ice-cream... :D yay! tonite got Charmed~ hee XD yay! i found mi con.f cert...phew! groan* tml got chinese test groan* got soo much homework... groan* cannot enjoy food aft 2nd wk of dec groan* i'm goin back to hell...wif a mask>< groan* i'm dyin inside.....

2004-11-17T17:08:00.000-08:00

You Don’t Have To

You don’t have to be cool

You don’t have to be rich

You don’t have to be smart

You don’t have to be popular

You don’t have to be hilarious

You don’t have to be tall

You don’t have to be good

You don’t have to be a dancer

You don’t have to be a gd singer

And no, you don’t have to impress me

All I ask is that you love me for who I am

And care enough to stay around

All I ask is that you’ll be yourself

And make me smile

All I ask is that you’ll understand

And take my hand to show the way

All I ask is that you’ll be honest

And don’t break my heart

All I ask is that you’ll be there

Through good times and bad

All I ask is that you’ll be patient

There is so much I’ve yet to learn

All I ask is that you’ll break down this wall

And mend my broken heart…

~kiara~

2004-11-16T22:40:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! Yay!!! Todae sooo fun!!!*hu am I kiddin?* I made pancakes!!! Took me two whole hours…wow! And I gave lila, lizzie and lao shi some…haiz…I hope I hav enough for tml’s recess…yupz…shld hav lar…lol…haha…todae’s dinner soo nice…roast chicken, baked potatoes wif butter…cauliflower cooked the way I want-soft, no taste. Great…tml got a-maths…thur got Chinese test…. I dun care la…..haiz haiz haiz…I’m feelin really uncomfortable in this mask…I really want to rip it off…but I noe I can’t….*sigh…I wish I cld…really I do…but it has to stay….glued to my exterior…ARGH!!! Anyway…here’s a song to express my interior =D

Happy Go Lucky

Love,all my love was yours,

Of this I was so sure,

I guess I never saw it coming baby,

But now I'm over the surprise,

I'm wearing this disguise,

So everyone can think

I'm having fun baby,

The world only sees me smiling,

My pillow knows the truth at night,

'cause that's where I hide my sorrow,

And they call me happy go lucky,

They don't know my heart is dying inside,

A smile's a frown turned upside down,

I do my happy go lucky so well,

I'm even fooling myself

But now I've put it to the test,

I know it's for the best,

In fact it's good you walked out on me baby,

I, I've learned how to survive,

Without you in my life,

So why am I still talking 'bout you baby,

The world only sees me smiling,

My pillow knows the truth every night,

'Cause that's where I hide my sorrow,

And they call me happy go lucky,

They don't know my heart is dying inside,

A smile's a frown turned upside down,

I do my happy go lucky so well,

I'm even fooling myself

All my love yours,

I guess I was so sure,

When I see the morning light,

I put on this facade,

It's all I have to protect my pride,

It's all I've got, this smile is all I've got,

And they call me happy go lucky,

They don't know my heart is dying inside,

A smile's a frown turned upside down,

I do my happy go lucky so well,

I'm even fooling myself

~kiara~

2004-11-15T23:30:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! heyo! haiz...i think it's time...time to put on tt mask...haiz....that old worn out mask...that i've worn for so long...den thrust it aside...and now....i'm searchin all over for it once more....so i can wear it tml...ah...found it atlast...wif a few holes in it...i realli hope no one see through it...haha now where's tt poem...the one on pg 78 of the chicken soup for the teenage soul...oh yar..it's wif liz...haiz....sori ppl...cannot type it out for u tonite....wellz...here's a poem i wrote todae...liz edited it....changed so much...haha...but i muz admit it's better...haha....thanx liz! for all e effort...hee =)

Falling… lost…

Like a fallen angel
I fell frm high
To realise my faults
To make people sigh

Wish that i could change
What has been done
But the past iz history
And the future's yet to come

The present iz a gift
That's wad ppl sae
All the hurt 've caused
That has shattered souls today

Where do i go frm here
When I’m so lost in this place
That is so desolate, so barren
With no love that puts me in a daze

I have nuthing
And nuthing belongs to me
All that i see iz someone else's
All these earthly things

Looking all around me
An illusion is what I see
I can't seem find my way
In a maze of trust like this

Everyone has something to do
Everyone iz a somebody
Everyone has something to love
Everyone except me

Is there anyone lost
Can anyone hear me
I'm juz a nobody
A nobody who is lost...

~kiara~

2004-11-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz haiz....todae seems sooo long...haiz...quite a bad dae for me actualli...not gonna sae...i woke up to all those lectures...wondering wad dae it was...oh yar...sundae! my fav dae of the wk....and all these hav to hit me 1st thing in the morning...haiz....so i ignored it all and carried on gettin dressed....yar...it realli gets u down havin to hear all those...so i started singin tt song that i was so into these few days (its below) and yupz...i made it to church in one piece! so i walked arnd the bkshop...dared not look at anyone...knowing that they all despise me...so anyway...the bkshop was gettin borin...so i ended up on the bench outside to adoration rm...i sat der thinkin how late it iz alreadi...wondered where liz was....haiz...ended up thinkin of the past few day's events....felt so useless...so hated by everyone...felt so down...practically in tears...den i glanced down at my watch...wow! 1min passed 9...mass started liao....haiz...where was liz? maybe she was so depressed tt she jumped off the buildin or something...no lah...she probably overslept agn...so i called lizzie's hse. no one picked up...no one home at this time in tha mornin?!? wad on earth iz goin on...oh right...maybe she realli did jump off...and everyone iz...izn't in...cuz they r out makin furneral arrangements....oh no!!! no way!!! ok...i'm too depressed to think straight rite now.....ok...wad time was it agn? oh...9.03....oh man!!! where's everybody? so i sat der wonderin wad i shld do? i can't go into church...parents der...think i might juz break down and cry der....tt won't be a pretty sight....didn't feel lyk gettin up and goin der either...haiz...so i tot...dun think so far la!!! try tha hp...haha...so i tried...her mom picked up...said she left liao...haiz...so i juz sat der and went back to wonderin hu's tt bitch hu said TT abt me....*a diff story now**kor noes* aniwae....liz turned up in the end...still can happi happi tell me tt i didn't hav to wait for her...haiz...how wld u expect me to react? i also didn't noe...was feelin veri blur tt time...so i juz smiled...lol....so fake...haiz...lyk anyone cares....right...so we tried to go into church...stood at the back...i wasn't up to hearin wad the priest had to sae...juz wanted to get outta der....so we did...walked aimlessly....ended up at the park bus-stop...sat der...started thinkin agn...wanted to cry agn....no!..i'm not gonna let tt affect me....haiz...liz had to go ask me to spill...so yar...i knew tt if i talked...i wld cry...so i let her read mi diary...hiya..tt one all she noe liao....nvm...sat der until mass ended...went back to church....haiz...ltr we went wif kor, justin.k, clar, mel to mc's...had breakfast....hmm...i wonder if kor noes tt i actualli tipped him 10cents for helpin me buy hashbrown....aniwae...we went for the meetin...onli reminded me tt i was useless....i dun think i've helped anyone at all...talk abt livin life to the fullest....haiz...dosen't matter does it? and yes....i look at death as an escape...as a way to slove probs...everyone wld be much happier tt way....haiz...i won't make much of a diff....except ppl's life will be better...if they hadn't known me...tts for sure...i'm onli weighin ppl down...in wadever i do...i juz dun do it right... i'm juz a disgrace to everyone i noe...fine! but i noe not wad else to do anymore...will someone tell me wad to do? i'm so lost....everyday iz gettin more confusing....i dunno who to believe anymore....well tt's life for me i guess....it onli gets worst.... so aft tt...we went to c'dans...had to squeeze in the back of lila's car....watched van helsing...SO NOT NICE WATCHIN A 2ND TIME...wellz...the rest iz all stated on lizzie's blog...i veri lazy to go type out everything*thanx lila for all tt entertainment todae...i noe i won't be able to do tt at a time lyk tt*...so skip skip skip.....when i went home....agn back to hell...all those lectures... comments...hit me lyk a ton of bricks...i'm soo sick of hearin it liao!!! i ran upstairs...shut the bathroom door.....cried....tried to sing as though nuthin happened...juz so not right....my heart doesn't feel right...it feels heavy.....i dunno why....i dunno why anymore...ok...i'm not goin to go on...it ends here.

Standing Still

Cuttin' through the darkest night in my two headlights

Trying to keep it clear

but I'm losing it here to the twilight

There's a dead end to my left

there's a burning bush to my right

You aren't in sight

you aren't in sight

Do you want me

like I want you?

Or am I standing still

beneath the darkened sky?

Or am I standing still

with the scenery flying by?

Or am I standing still

out of the corner of my eye?

Was that you passing me by?

Mothers on the stoop

boys in souped-up

coupes on this hot summer night

Between fight and flight

is the blind man's sight

and the choice that's right

I roll the window down

feel like I'm gonna drown in this strange town

Feel broken down

I feel broken down

Do you need me

like I need you?

Or am I standing still

beneath the darkened sky?

Or am I standing still

with the scenery flying by?

Or am I standing still

out of the corner of my eye?

Was that you passing me by?

Sweet sorrow is the call tomorrow

Do you love melike I love you?

Or am I standing still

beneath the darkened sky?

Or am I standing still

with the scenery flying by?

Or am I standing still

out of the corner of my eye?

Was that you passing me by?

Are you passing me by? (Passing me by)

Do you want me? (Passing me by)

Do you need me

like I need you too?

And do you want me

like I want you?

Are you passing me by?

~kiara~

2004-11-13T23:45:00.000-08:00

Impossible To Find

Looking for a cure
I know I’ll never find
Looking for a face
I’ve known for so long
Looking for a song
That plays in my head
Looking for a soul
That left along with you
Looking for a time
When I was satisfied
Looking for freedom
To give me a chance to fly
Looking for something
That would dry my endless tears
Looking for someone
Who can understand my heart
Looking for peace
That would bring joy to everyone
Looking for the words
That I’ve so longed to hear
Looking for the one
Who can make me smile again
Looking for the reason
To help me carry on ...

~kiara~

2004-11-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

My Happy Ending

I awake to yells & scowls

With throbbing in my skull

The words of anger thrown at me

Seems lyk a faraway dream

I shut my eyes to get some peace

But to no avail

Wad did i do wrong?

I wondered for the hundredth time

I lay there in the gloom

And tried to be still

Hoping that it wld all fade soon

It's a brand new day i tell myself

A brand new day in hell

I said a prayer for peace

& climbed out of bed

To face my doom

To be despised by the world

That same sad song playing

Its never ending tune

I'm trying hard to smile

But i just can't remember how

My head iz screaming STOP

But no one can hear me

That i know for sure

No one's gonna save me

No one even cares

So i sat there & cried

Letting my tears fall down

No place to go

No where to run

So i made my way to the top

To feel the breeze once more

To see the sky so blue

I looked down before me

Everything's so tiny, so faraway

I stood there knowing that

One more step and i'll be free

My heart is emptied inside out

As i walked onto nothingness

Down and down i fell

Into the arms of an angel

So light, so pure, so warm

Just the way it was in my dreams

I've always loved the feel of falling

and now i've gotten my wish

So long, goodbye

To this lonely life

That i never knew and

Never was it mine...

~kiara~

2004-11-12T19:02:00.000-08:00

yo yoz yozies yozzzies yozzzies! yozzzies!!! by bye byez byez. byez... byez...=)

2004-11-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! whats der to sae? haiz....another borin dae has juz passed....ah wellz....maybe not tt borin...got mi sis pei wo....lol....haiz...i'm wishin for a miracle this x'mas....hope it comes true....=) haiz...and my one and onli x'mas wish still remains the same...wow...for so many yrs...haiz...i hope it stays tt way....*sigh* y am i this way all the time?...ok...this has nuthin to do wif mi wish...fyi...aniwaez......WHY??? still no ans....haiz...wad e heck...think i'll juz go on...and pray this comes to an end...looks lyk this izn't goin to end soon...i hope tha x'mas spirits can heal me..... right...i heard this song over e radio...tt i lyked...and didn't noe the title...but now tt i do*thanx to jie*....i've found the lyrics...so here it iz...(look below=D)

"Out Of Reach"

Knew the signs

Wasn't right

I was stupid for a while

Swept away by you

And now I feel like a fool

So confused,

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach,

Couldn't see

We were never

Meant to be

Catch myself

From despairI could drown

If I stay here

Keeping busy everyday

I know I will be OK

But I was

So confused,

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so farI never had your heart

Out of reach,

Couldn't see

We were never

Meant to be

So much hurt,

So much pain

Takes a while

To regain

What is lost inside

And I hope that in time,

You'll be out of my mind

And I'll be over you

But now I'mSo confused,

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,

So farI never had your heart

Out of reach,

Couldn't see

We were neverMeant to be

Out of reach,

So far

You never gave your heart

In my reach,

I can see

There's a life out there

For me

~kiara~

2004-11-11T01:07:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! these boring days are gettin to me...haiz...so far the talk of recess has been abt braces...retainers...dentists....comp games...and more crap...haiz...y? becuz i'm gonna get mi braces done in the 1st wk of dec...haiz...i hear hazel tok until i'm gettin scared myself...ah wellz...i'd better not complian...later liz kill me...lol...she has to go thru worst...tt poor dear....muz be so painful...haiz....aniwaez...since we r in the why season...i'm gonna post a song by avril...called WHY~ haha...hang on...

Why

Why, do you always do this to me?

Why, couldn't you just see through me?

How come, you act like this Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe

I was the only one to fall?

I could feel I could feel you near me,

even though you're far away

I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying

Let's play, a different game than what we're playing

Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe

I'm gonna let us fall apart?

I could feel I could feel you near me,

even when you're far away

I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about

Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about

And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel

I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away

I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

~kaira~

2004-11-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

The Bigger Fool

What a fool you are to love me

What a fool you are to find me

What a fool you are to want me

What a fool you are to believe me

What a fool you are to cry for me

What a fool you are to impress me

What a fool you are to care for me

What a fool you are to dream of me

What a fool you are to get to know me

What a fool you are to be there for me

What a fool you are to take me in

What a fool you are to walk me home

What a fool you are to sing to my tune

What a fool you are to walk that extra mile

What a fool you are to try and win my heart

But what a fool I am to love you back

~kaira~

2004-11-08T23:30:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! MONDAE BLUEZ!!! need i sae more? well...after sch...i went to eat roti prata at thomson rd dwn der....not as niz as jalan kayu.. i nv learn do i? nv try new things...argh!!! the prata taste lyk dough, chicken lyk rubber...so spicy...haiz...nv gonna try anything new agn...den i went to e reservior nearby....so nice...reminds me of germany...the lake where we had our lunch...so cool!!! and i saw monkeys on the way der too....the babies r sooo cuuteee...and they sat der and let me take pic wif mi hp...haha...ok all fun muz come to an end...so i went home....had a f****in time wif mi comp...and i still am....argh!!! stupid cd...won't burn...but now ok alreadi...haiz....so pek cek! at least i got e korean song i tt i wanted...joyce sent to moi!!! yay!!! at last!!! *jumps up & dwn*

ok...lets see if i can find tt poem i was tellin liz abt todae...wait ah...................................................... oh yay! found it...ok...here goes...

The Girl Next Door

Do you remember
Many years ago
When we were young,
How we used to play together
Every day? It seems like yesterday-
The childhood world
Of clowns and cotton candy
And summer days
That never seem to end
When we played hide 'n' seek
From four o'clock till dusk
Then sat outside someone's stoop
and listened to the crickets
And slapped away mosquitoes
And talked about our dreams
And what we’d do when we grew up
Until our mothers called us in
And do you remember
That one winter when it snowed
For days and days on end
And we tried to build an igloo
Like the Eskimos?
Or when we made a game
Of raking leaves
All up and down the street
Until we made the biggest pile
The world had ever seen
And then we jumped in it?
Or how about the time
We gathered honeysuckle
From your yard
And sold it to the neighbors?
And the grand day when finally
The training wheels came off our bikes
And we were free
To explore the whole world
In an afternoon
So long as we stayed
On our own street.
But those days passed by furtively
And we grew up, as children do
Until we reached a day when we
Assumed that we were too grown-up
To play amid the trees on summer nights…
And when I see you now
You’ve changed in many ways I can’t explain
You’re like a rose that blooms before it’s time
And falls a victim to
The February frost.

Because the waist on your jeans is getting tight
Symbolic of a youth that’s not your own
And your face is pale and green-
You don’t look well.
I see you scowling at the street
From the window in your room,
It’s so rare to see you smiling anymore.
And when a car pulls up outside
You run downstairs and out the door
With a suitcase in each hand
And the car speeds away
And the girl next door is gone.
And I long once more
For the summer days
When I stood on your porch
And banged on your door
And bade you to come outside to greet
The afternoon’s adventures.

Won’t you come out to play, once more?
For we are still so young…

Amanda Dykstra, age14

~kiara~

2004-11-07T21:50:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! wah...todae so lame...haha...after church, we went to watch princess diaries 2...quite nice...wonder why lila dun wanna watch...oh wellz....ya lost den...den we went to NTUC...bought bananas, mangoes, vanilla ice-cream and milk...went back to teri's hse...and blended the whole thing...haha...we anyhow make...cuz we not sure how much of everything to put in...so yar...incase u wanna noe how much went into it todae...we cut 3 mangoes, 3 bananas, 3 .5 huge scoops of ice-cream, and a little milk...blended it wif all the ice we cld find and Wa La!!! done...haha the fun part was that all 3 of us got a play in makin it...haha...well...it turned out nice...though teri accidently blended the mango seed...haha...extra ingredient...extra texture...but i still lyked it....hee=) toast to our years of friendship...lol haiz...den we settled down and watched tt jap animae gerry lent me...and ate karopok...wahahaha...i dipped it in mi banana-mango blended....haha...weird combo...but yummy! =p dun think u can find it anywhere else...haha...right...yesterdae nite...i was typin out a poem...and lizzie came back online...so she asked me for a theme...cuz she also wanted to write one...so i gav the my theme...and we both typed and sent our completed coppies to each other,,,lyk wad sis said...kind of the same...but wif a diff ending...yar...last nite was a little late to post...so i'm postin it now...it's below ya....caio!

You Never Came

I waited in the pouring rain
Wondering where you are
With a glimmer of hope
I looked out for that familiar face
Longing to see that smile
My soul aches with anticipation
But every minute that passed
The rain gets heavier
And so does my heart
Yet something keeps there
My legs refuse to move
The tears pour down my cheeks
Mixed with the rain so cold
I can hardly see
I can hardly think
I just want you here with me
Only you can make things right again

People rushing by-seeking shelter
But to me it doesn’t matter
My mood as bleak as the sky
I see no use of standing here
Garments soaked through and through
When obviously you ain’t gonna show
I turn to leave to end this wait
I can’t bear to think it’s over
I’ve lost you in the rain
I’ve nowhere to go
No place to seek comfort
I’ve decided I don’t want you back
If only you had come around
But it’s too late now
My heart can love no more
You’ve turned it into stone
And around my soul a wall is built
Never to be hurt again

~kiara~

2004-11-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! haiz...typical sat...wake up late...go lunch at beach road...come back...do hw...bath...eat dinner....go online...i wonder wads on tv...*sigh* everything seems so...so...far away....juz one of those days i wish i was dead...oh well...i realli havin prob uploadin tt supid song tt i want on me blog...everything izn't workin for me these days....oh wellz...tts life...ok...so far nuthin interestin happened these few days....everday iz the same old borin stuff...haiz...right...tts all i've to type...for now...maybe i'll add somemore later...when i rmb it...ciao!

2004-11-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! wanted to write a poem todae...but i in a happie mood!!! so no ling gan to write a nice one...oh wellz...tdae so crazy!!! haha...crazy fun!!! got miself wet frm e waist down haha...look lyk an idiot!!! haha....all because we r such retarded ppl...rite Teri??? haiz...i veri lazy to type out la... maybe u can try her blog...she might hav todae's crazy story down der...haiz...gtg at 11.20...stupid parents la!!!! spoil all e fun...haiz...maybe i'll type it out tmr...when i hav e time...haha....ok la...better go...ciao!!! thanx teri for all payin for mozt of e stuff...i'll try and pay u back la....ciao!!!=)

PS: sorry lizzie!!! nv go mass....veri sorri....i forgot to call too...*guilty*....sniff...dun be mad at me...sorri....

~kiara~

2004-11-03T19:20:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! sometimes i wonder why god plan my dae as such...i wonder wad he wants to teach me todae....i wonder wad he has instore for me tml....todae was realli....haiz...i dun wanna tok abt it... it sounds stupid...but wait till u're in my shoes...maybe u won't think that way...now u'll laugh... now u'll shake ya head...juz lyk how a kid wants a barbie doll when u know that she iz gonna throw it aside after awhile...i noe this iz gonna sound lyk tt too...something not worth spillin ya tears over...but if u've been the onli child ya whole life...with no one to turn to when u feel so lost...and u find that the ya life iz so diff frm others and ppl mock u, thinkin that u're lyk that...when it iz realli not ya fault...and with this kind of parents...u'll understand...so i hope this poem will explain how i feel...cuz i can sae no more...one of my biggest wishes juz got shattered todae...i know now that this iz the way the world views me...thers's nuthing more to sae...

I’m Shattered Like Broken Glass

The things I want most

I just can’t have

The things I have are unnecessary

And so why appreciate

The bad things that happen in movies

Always happen to me

The life they show on TV

Are just images that pass my eyes

Only left to linger in daydreams

The things I’ve looked forward to

Now holds no more excitement

The things I still dream off

Are way beyond my reach

All my hopes-shattered like broken glass

All my efforts gone to waste

All that years of waiting for nothing

All my b’dae wishes never came true

All my x’mas mornings were lonely

All my persuasion fell on deaf ears

All my pleads over and over again

All my cries seem to get me nowhere

All my tears seem so silly

Yet I still want it

Since I was a kid

Yet I still try

Time and again

Yet I still dream

How nice it could be

Yet I still have faith

That, that day will come

Yet I still seek

And have my heart broken once more

~kiara~

2004-11-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! hey...i'm sittin here now @ lizzie's hse..hee=) so borin todae...after sch...went to buy mc, got caught in the rain...sat at e park and eat lor...stupid rain...got caught in it for lyk a wk liao....ok...den went to walk walk...haha...go wow at ppl's hses...took a photo of a realli cool one...so nice!!! muz tell hazel abt it...haiz...i wonder how squishy and cupid are doin...oh wellz...haven't seen em for more than a wk now...*sob* miss em...oh right....gtg mass pretty soon...and then to tuition...wah!!! so xian...mornin chinese...at night chinese...so tired...orh man!!! tmr iz maths!!! ok la not tt bad...its e-maths...fine...guess i had better get goin...lizzie's comin out of e bath soon..heehee=) i wanna go park!!! yay!!! ok la...todae not song...no poem...sori la...juz enjoy mi blog song can liao....hee=) ok...inoe this entry veri shot...but i realli dun hav anything to sae...so ciao!!!=D

~kiara~

2004-11-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! start of a new mth agn....tha usual...new mag, more free sms, new calender pg atlast!!! and 1 more mth closer to x'mas!!! yay!!! can't wait!!! sooo many things to look forward too...and so many things to dread too...eg...sec4*dies* ok...i shan't tok abt todae...cuz it was realli crappy... dunno why...i feel happi agn!!! lalalalala...sth muz be wrong wif me...haha...no lah...i was helpin mi fren get blog skin...haha...so many crappy ones...haiz...oh...and sori lizzie....muz trouble u everytime i wanna change mi blog music....hee....pai seh...hee but i dun care!=D alright....shld i go japan or bangkok now? sigh...haven't learned ting xie yet....veri lazy la...hiya...i also dun realli care la....haiz...tml need to go clean squishy's cage oh wellz...actualli quite fun la...hiya...todae all saint's dae cannot go...so sad...i dun think mi parents even noe abt it...y lyk tt? y mi life so lyk tt? i feel lyk i'm playin e parent role here...haiz...nuthin else to sae...so yupz...i juz changed mi blog song hee hee...get sick of it...hate it...luv it...can't get it out of ya head...wadever...so here's tha lyrics of this irritatin song...

To be with you

Hold on little girl

show me what he's done to you

Stand up little girl

A broken heart can't be that bad

when it's through, it's through

Fate will twist the both of you

So come on baby come on over

Let me be the one to show you

CHORUS:

I'm the one who wants to be with you

Deep inside I hope you feel it too

Waited on a line of greens and blues

Just to be the next to be with you

Build up your confidence

So you can be on top for once

Wake up who cares about

Little boys that talk too much

I've seen it all go down

Your game of love was all rained out

So come on baby, come on over

Let me be the one to hold you

CHORUS

Why be alone when we can be together baby

You can make my life worthwhile

and I can make you start to smile

~kiara~

2004-10-31T22:20:00.000-08:00

yOzIeS! trick or treat? haha...jkjk Happy Halloween ppl!!!"if u wanna bring me down go ahead and try....go ahead and try" i wish...why am i even here? wad iz my purpose? i feel lyk a useless, good for nuthing....nobody. no...actually i am...hu am i kiddin anyway....i hav to be some mistake....i dun belong...i feel out of place...i'm too weird for society to understand. i try to fit in but i can't...i juz wanna pretend i was nv born....why me? why now? wad hav i been doin for the past 1989 years? where was i? why am i here now? maybe this iz all juz a game...a test...oh plz...can the player juz end it now? i sick and tired of playin this game...his game...no one ever got out alive anywae...i dun see the use...wad if everyone around me iz programmed? wad if i'm programmed too? y?!? wad if all that iz happening iz juz a dream? and i'll wake up and forget all that has happened...den why do i even care? all the pain dosen't feel painful anymore...i use to cry but not anymore...why izit tt i'm so diff frm the world? does anyone ever think of all these? no...i guess not...juz me....caught in my own little world...wld someone plz wake me up....i feel so unreal...everything seems so fake...why am i even doin all that i'm doin? for the sake of wad? i hav no clue! why do i hav to face such people...my life wld be so perfect wifout em....i swear...be careful wad u wish for...it might juz come true...people tell me...but i dun care...and i dun mind....i feel lyk i can't die...and i won't... nuthing can harm me....am i programmed to think that way too? guess wad? thats wad i used todae...to teach myself how to ride a bike todae...at the beach!!!...i knew that i could do it wifout getting injured as bad as some people...i dunno how...i juz knew...all i had to do was to overcome the fear of falling...and after awhile i thought...wad the heck! fall den fall la! so i juz went ahead and peddled and i did it!! it was as if i hav done it before...sometime in the past...and i knew exactly how to do it...juz that i had to rember wad it was like...and to get the hang of it oncemore...and when i was finally able to ride smoothly...this feeling was juz all too familiar...it makes me wonder...where hav i learnt it before? ok...so anyway...i'll juz lyk to thank lila and lizzie for teaching me the technique all over agn...and for being so patient...i noe i totally ruined ya fun of riddin around the whole place...cuz i took so long to over come my fear...but i'm grateful for all ya efforts...tHaNx!!!=) haiz...anyway... all u people readin this right now....sori...i dun feel lyk tokin....feel realli down...i juz knew tt this was gonna happen agn...y can't some people understand? and stop critisizin mi frienz...i'm so tired of havin to defend them...but i hav to...they r mi frienz...i've realized how important they r to me...i noe tt mi ex will always remain in the past...and right now my frienz are here for me in the present....so i'll try to appreciate em b4 its too late agn....we r all gonna graduate soon anyway. no matter was i do...i'm wrong....no matter wad i sae...i always end up the bad guy....fine...banish me frm this earth den!!! lyk i said...i dun belong....so shut up alreadi!!!! i dun wanna hear anymore...i dun wanna think anymore....i wan to sleep and nv wake up....i wanna die and go to heaven.....or maybe juz a quiet place for me to cry in peace...i've nowhere to go...no place to run.. run frm reality...ok...dun bother all u readers...dosen't concern u anyway...k...heres a song to end all of this misery

Why

Why, do you always do this to me?

Why, couldn't you just see through me?

How come, you act like this

Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe

I was the only one to fall?

I could feel I could feel you near me,

even though you're far away

I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying

Let's play, a different game than what we're playing

Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe

I'm gonna let us fall apart?

I could feel I could feel you near me,

even when you're far away

I could feel I could feel you baby,

why It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you, I need you More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about

Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about

And come back to me when you know just how you feel,

you feel I could feel I could feel you near me,

even though you're far away

I could feel I could feel you baby,

why It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

~kiara~

PS: if love is to posess, then it's not love....

2004-10-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! guess wad time i woke up todae?!? 1pm...haha....so tired frm all these late nite chattin online...haiz...the past few days seem so fake...and i scared of goin up to sec4....i feel lyk i haven't learned anything at all this yr...oh wellz...guess wad todae i woke up...had to see my dad's chicken backside face...went out for lunch...came back CBF(chicken backside face) wanted to pack my room...and while he did, i had to put up with backside face's naggin, scoldin, yappin...so irritating....feel lyk screamin shut up....but i didn't say a thing...kept tellin myself tt i'm doin it for god...blast the radio instead...sang along to the songs...switch off the yappin tt was comin frm tt CBF...even the rain got heavier when he yells...and it got lighter agn when he went out of the room...so after i was done pickin up the pieces of the after effects of havin tt CBF clean it...i felt so sad...i missed mi ex...so i wrote this poem...took me 2hrs...to write and type out and edit...so tt i can copy and paste it now.....i noe it dosen't rhym cuz i was too lazy to make it...yupz...it's below u can read it later...btw mi mom made bbq stingray for dinner...so nice!!! so much to eat.. hav the entire thing to myself...as a result, cannot finish...haha...so keep for tml...yay! can eat agn...haiz...lizzie keep disturbin me!!! type one sentence hav to ans her...haiz...so pek cek!!! oh!!! finalli this thing iz playin mi fav song...fine...i'm tokin crap...this person wans me to hurry...i wonder y...okok...fine...i'll paste this thing and den i'm done...

The Last Day

I’m lying here all alone

Staring at the blank ceiling
With four walls keeping out the light
The darkness consuming me
The beating of my heart slowing down
The ticking of the clock getting softer
Time seems to be standing still
And all that fills my head is you
I shut my eyes letting the emptiness fade
Remembering your smile that warms my heart
Your laughter ringing in my ears
Like it was just yesterday
Recalling your brown eyes so warm
Taking me back to that last day
When they were so filled with concern
The tears that glistened in them
Mirrored in mine
As we said our last goodbye
The one word I couldn’t
Bring myself to say
Holding hands one last time
We mumbled our usual ‘see ya around’
Knowing deep inside
We’ve lost each other forever
But not in our hearts
We hugged for what seemed like eternity
As the wind rustled the leaves
Signaling the end of our story
The end of a chapter of my life
That I enjoyed reading over and over
None of us could find
The right words to say
The years of fun and love
Playing in our minds like a song
Knowing subconsciously, all along
That it was too good to be true
And happiness must come to an end
I had no clue
And I never wanted to know
What the future had in store for us
I looked to the sky above
Hoping it would bring consolation
Wishing that all this was a bad dream
But the clouds only held reality for me
All these were to much to take
So I began to cry
‘shh…’you whisper trying to be strong
‘you are special and so special you’ll always be’
As if it was a message form above, you told me
Why does it have to end this way
I wanted to scream
So many questions
I couldn’t ask, couldn’t speak
I had to let you go
And you had to set me free
Only in person
But not in spirit
Away you walked from me
No wheels, no board
Just shoes on the grass so green
That all so familiar figure
Disappearing leaving no shadow
Never to return
A part of me died that day
It died so it could be with you
Now that emptiness brought back de ja vu
As I opened my eyes once more
The empty room held no meaning
All that I cling on to
Are just memories of the past
I know I have to move on
But I don’t see the use
I just wanna be lost
In my dreams of you and me
I wonder if you’ll remember me
As I would remember you
You left me with an empty heart
Taking along with you it’s every beat
And when I look to the sky so blue
It takes me back
Back to the start of chapter5

In this thick book called ‘Life’

~kiara~

2004-10-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! haiz...todae was...how shld i put it....weird...after sch, hazel, lila and myself went to ponggol end...tha beach!!! so nice....so clean....i luv e sand...oh...we were so hungry, we ended up buyin ice cream....thank god it wasn't rainin anymore...we walked and den put down our bags and went further down to play wif damp sand...was so fine....ane was tellin me tt u can use it to smooth yar hands....lol....ok....so hazel wasn't so into it...juz stood der waitin for us...so after awhile...i felt kinda bad....so yar...we decided to go back...after all there was a storm approaching.but on the way back, hazel spotted a fish gasping for air....cuz it was out of the water...amongs rocks....so poor thing!!! when i saw it, i reminded mi of tt starfish story...all 3 of us were so afraid to touch it...lila wanted to scop e sand under it and throw it back...and hazel wanted to kick it..but we cldn't bring ourselves to do it...so i ended up using a long stick and flippin it into shallow water...but it was half dead liao...so sad...*heartbreak* den we juz stod der watchin it take its last few breath....den soon the crows came to eat it....sniff....wad a horrible death!!! but i cldn't do anything else...so sorri fishy!!! if u can hear me....='( 'tts life' was all mi frenz cld sae... wah...so sad....anyway..the sky above was realli darkenin and and so we had our bags checked by the police der and ran for e bus...oh...btw...did i tell u tt i also collected some realli cool shells?!? ok...so we got on the bus juz in time when it started to drizzle...and den headed to heartland mall...where we chilled at mac eatin our sooo late lunch...called mi parents asked if i cld go church...got a scoldin...put mi hp on loudspeaker so hazel & lila can hear...yup...they heard mi dad yellin alright! now they noe wad kinda parents i've got...feel lyk cryin...y dun they understand...and den later we juz walked around later and looked at stuff...oops...i was late for church liao so we hurried to to bus-stop... stupid bus...take so long to come...but i made it in time anywae...thank god!!! rushed up the hill...dashed into e basement...looked around blurly and finalli found a vacant spot...sat der...started prayin...cryin...and den stopped...cldn't let go take communion lyk tt...den after mass...sat der...and cried even more...looked at mi watch...decided it was time to go...walked out...felt so down...dun wanna go home...den kor and bro came over to sae hi...kor asked wad happened...so i told him....he gav me some advice...and den i had to go... e whole journey back...i was sleepin...anyway...when i got home...they acted lyk nuthin happened...so i did tt too...had a nice meal...watched SI...and den here i am...typin this...ok.i've come to the end of mi dae...onli left wif a poem i wrote for mi frenz...here it iz:

What Makes U Different Makes U Beautiful

We are opposites

From two separate worlds

It is wad’s different

That makes us interesting

For every difference
There is something common
For every similarity
There is a difference
North and south-two ends of the world
But they are both poles at the tips
Ying and yang - two contradicting shades
But they are both colors
The sun and moon tell morning from night
But a day is only complete with both
Fire and water destroy one another
But they work together to benefit mankind
Good verses evil are two extremes
But they are there to balance heaven and hell
Right and wrong everyone knows the difference
But only when there’s a right then there’s a wrong
Hot and cold-temperatures so far apart
But mixed together they become warm
Genders male and female-two different sex
But they get married, bonded as one
Happy and sad-two different feelings
Added together will make u feel fine

So don’t fret because u’re different frm me
Rejoice instead that we can laugh abt it
Fight over disagreements, criticize our tastes,
knowing tt we won’t fall for the same guy
Complain and make remarks
All for the sake of getting to noe u better

And most of all learn new things abt life=)

~kiara~

2004-10-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! for everything that happens...whether bad or gd...there iz always a reason and a lesson to be learnt....=)wadever happens happens for a reason...though i dun always lyk the reason...ah well....last nite i was so pissed wif liz, not on talkin terms...todae was such a crazy dae...i told mi best friends and they were lyk "huh?!?" i dub care...when she comes back...i'll make sure u 2 get together agn den i was so pek cek tt everyone was interfering but i thought forget it lah..den 1st ting in the mornin i had to run around the whole sch...pasting motions and makin sure tt everything iz in order...so tiring....so stressed out!!! but yay!!! something to rejoyce abt...mi best friends won the debate!!! the finals too!!! yay!!! i'm so proud of em....seein all mi frienz up der debating mkes mi glad to know tt now they know wad debating iz all abt...it's wad i hav to do...in mi cca...and for em to be part of it...i'm happi tt they noe!!! atleast next time when i tok abt it to em...they'll understand...and maybe even help me too...i need all e support i can get...oh! and one more thing....i get a treat to green tea ice cream!!! at sushi teh!!! wow!!! can't wait!!! haiz...liz...so sad...i realli wanted u to see the debates....ok...got some stuff to tell ya...tell ya tml la... ok...let me con't...so after i came back frm sch...i went to GH to check mi teeth....cuz i wanna noe if i need to extract mi wisdom teeth to wear barces...haiz...still dunno yet...and u noe wad the nurse told me? when she saw mi teeth, she exclaimed!!! "ah! i so jealous!!! such a nice set of teeth...why do u want to wear braces? u wan to be model izit? see...my teeth are worst den yours....exchange wan anot?" wahahaha some dental nurse!!! ok...atlest she iz friendly...not lyk the ones in sch vans....haiz...after i came out...was abt to leave...when i heard a familar voiced...was gerry!!! wif her family...and so my mom started tokin....lol...abt teeth lor...wad else...haha....nice to know tt ya frien goes to the same place to suffer too...haha...i dun mean tt in a bad way...juz tt the place seems less scary now....ok la...no...i giv up...not makin braces until mi wisdom teeth grows out... right...den when i got home, kor called...sae wanna come over and drag me to mass...so i said ok lor....lol...he sae he not so blur can find his way....hahaha ended up at no.19 when i told hime 18... haha ok lar...not bad....can find the place...but the easiest thing also can get wrong!!! hiyo! i wonder wad mi neighbour muz be thinkin ok this squid standin at his gate wavin lyk an idiot!!! wahahaa....so funni!!! so yar...we wasted 10mins tokin to mi mom...ended up walkin out to the bus-stop in the rain and missin the 86 bus and den the stupid traffic lights were all red!!! we were runnin late liao...and den this squid still can sae we'll be on time...and den when we were on the 136 den come and tell mi tt we r late!!! and stood der and worry....wads the use of worrying?we will be late so we will be late...der iz nuthing u can do abt it...the time iz not in ya hands...so relax la!!! k...den when we drop at cardiff court, we jogged all the way up...tt clown wanted to carry mi bag...so i let him...and he ended up joggin up hill lyk a squid wif 2 shells....hahaha...ok la..i feel guilty.....sorri...thanx ya....if not we will reach when the mass ended...lol...haiz....sucha crazy dae rite...oh well...btw i'm ok wif mi sis now....reconciled=) still as crappy as ever!!! one dae no see and so much to sae...haiz...ok...muz sae sorri....not ya fault...not gonna blame u anymore... die la!!! i can't find me confirmation cert...how? muz make IC!!! anyone has any idea where i might hav placed it? ok...b4 i end...lets post a song below...i lyk the lyrics of this song btw...NB:

Last Goodbye Chorus :

Where do I go, what do I do

When everywhere i turn it just reminds me of you

Now that it's clear, there're no more tears for me to cry

Now it's time that i said my last goodbye

Verse 1 :People will promise things, and swear they'll be true,

but don't always fool yourself,

like all the others do ......

I've been guilty thinking, this was a dream,

when all of the time it wasn't quite what it seemed.

Bridge 1 :

Half of my memories belong to you

Remember half of your friends were mine.(Half of your friends were mine)

Can you tell me...

Chorus

Verse 2 :

From time to time, i hear them whisper your name,

Just when I think I'm over you,

It brings it all back againI hope you're happy with the choices you've made

Your love was a gamble that's the price I paid

Bridge 2 :

But half of my heart still wants you back

Remember half of your life was mine(Half of your life was mine)

So won't you tell me

Chorus

Mid 8 :

I hope you're regretting, letting me go

Now it's time to say goodbye

I've got no more tears to cry

There's something that I've got to know, baby...yeah

Chorus to fade

PS (to lizzie): i so dun agree wif ya taggie on mi blog....i think u're e most perfect frien i've ever got...where wld i be wifout u? who will i hang out wif on sundaes? hu will fold mi jackets and sort out stuff? hu will i tell mi probs to? who will scold mi for runnin off the the park? hu will go choir wif me? hu will hear me go on abt mi parents? hu will sae 'anything...' at the wrong times and annoy me? hu will crap when i'm down? hu will lend mi bks tt i take forever to read? hu will i tell mi dae to? hu else will make sure tt hangin out on x'mas eve stay as a tradition? hu will teach me to sing those choir songs i hate so much at the 11th hour? who else knows wad i'm goin through? no one...see...i'm the one tt cuz u more trouble....i dunno y u can be bothered...but if u dun...no one else wld....

~kiara~

why does this hav to happen now?

2004-10-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! how did things get so complicated so fast? in a blink of an eye...everything iz upside down...for better or for worst i do not noe yet...but as i always sae..everything happens for a reason....so come wad may....i dun want to be involved...but i feel myself slowly being dragged into this mess....lyk a wave pullin sand along wif it as it sweeps back into the ocean....why? i ask myself....i hav no ans to my questions...i feel lyk i'm being put to a test...which results will for sure be bad....i feel lyk my world iz changing and i lacking behind...refusing to move on...refusing to open my eyes...in the dark i walk...scared but confident...i've been through this road before... wads so hard takin it agn? i feel the fear of the future that izn't ment for me...and i noe not wad to do....somehow this all so familiar route iz different i can't explain how...but wif a bad feelin in my heart...i walk this darkened stretch alone...will someone be der waiting for me at the end? i wonder when the sun will shine agn....ok...i so dunno wad i juz wrote about....it's about diff parts of...of...i dunno wad... juz frm diff parts...ok...doesn't make sense...wad the heck....does it hav to? onli for me to understand....oh well...dun try to understand...cuz they r not connected....anyway...i had sooo many things to do todae...so exhausted...i pray teri comes tml..if not i pray hell will open up and swallow me whole...ok...maybe not so jia lat! but i'm in deep shit....right...todae i also learned how to play chess...so mind boggling!!! i'm not gonna think 4 another century...think i'll rather learn how to play bridge....sad...i kinda forgot how liao...muz ask mi cousin...oh wellz...wads der left to sae? oh ya...can't wait 4 charm tonite!!! yay!!! it's THE show of tha week=) okie...i manage to find tt poem...out of all tt i've posted so far....this iz the one i lyk best!!!-to all those who made a difference in my life =D

Remember Me Always

So many memories we've made together

As the years have slowly passed

Tears may have been cried

But our laughter drowned then all out

Sharing my deeper-most secrets

Till one in the morning at your house

Talking forever about things

Until our words juz ran out

But now u muzt leave

And i stay behind

Who will i call

When i juz need to talk

Who will i lean on

When all my problems weigh me down?

Who will laugh at my jokes?

Who will smile and light up my day?

Edited by: me!

lizzie:u said u dun blame me...tt's besides the point....sometimes i dunno why u even call me 'close friend' ....and it's so one sided....i trust u enough to tell u stuff...but u dun....a piece of my heart u've shattered='(

~kiara~

for an irritating someone....

2004-10-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! haiz...juztin wants to read some light hearted poem so ya...i'm takin e trouble to type this out....u better be grateful!!!

Paint Brush I keep my paint brush wif me Werever i may go, Incase i need to cover up So the real me doesn't show. I'm so afraid to show u me, Afraid of what u'll do-that You might laugh or say mean things. I'm afraid i might lose u. I'd like to remove all my paint coats To show you the real, true me, But I want u to try and understand, I need you to accept what you see. So if you'll be patient and close your eyes, I strip off all my coats real slow. Please understand how much it hurts To let the real me show. Now my coats are all strip off. I feel naked, bear and cold, And if you still love me with all that you see, You are my friend pure as gold. I need to save my paint brush, though, And hold it in my hand, I want to keep it handy In case somebody doesn't understand. So please protect me, my dear friend And thanks for loving me true, But please let me keep my paint brush with me Until I love me, too.

Bettie B.Youngs

ok...maybe it's not exactly light hearted...but it's something i can relate to....=)

one sided

2004-10-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! *sniff* my heart's so heavy...i can't believe such trival things can affect me so...i'm staring at the screen wif tears in my eyes...i can't see a thing...so forgive me if i spell anything wrongly...to add to the pain, my gum hurtz and so do my ulcers but all tt can't match up to emotional pain. it's been a cold rainy dae....i barely can feel my fingertips...such drappy weather to match my mood....there iz not cure for all the pain...no comfort for me in the world....ok...i sound lyk some depressed freak...oh shoot! my mom juz told SL tt i'm havin teethin probs too...sheesh... does she want to tell the world or wad? ok...since she iz doin tt...i might as well make the job easier for her....haiz...todae all i did was pack mi room wif me dad...sigh...not completed yet...tml con't...ok...i hope i can get mi braces done asap...so i'll be in time for prom=) but i hav to take mi IC photo 1st....so many things to do...u noe...i had a thought todae...abt which senses i'd rather lose...i thought abt it long and hard...and finalli concluded tt sight iz a unnessary thing...so i'd rather lose my sight...at least i still can sing...and hear music...haha no...tts not the whloe reason...u see...if u need help...u hav to shout...and wif hearin, u noe which way ya attacker iz comin frm...but wif sight...sight can be decieving sometimes...ok...i guess u think i'm tokin crap here...i sound lyk i am myself...fine...i shall end here...no mood to go on anyway....sori no poem tonite...maybe i'll add later when i feel lyk...

~kiara~

so near yet so far....

2004-10-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! todae was pretty fun....yay! and fruitful too...gerry, hazel and i were discussing wad to buy each other for x'mas...and so...i guess this x'mas won't hav much surprises...but wad the heck...everyone gets wad they want rite!!! yay!!...lets see...hazel gettin me a small x'mas tree for mi room and some burned CD wif all mi fav song inside....anne iz gettin me a pencil box tt i regrated not buyin...and i forgot wad...and of course i'mgettin em stuff too...yay! all planned liao...except lizzie's one...and the other friends on mi list...other than tt, all mi close friends and best friends all settle liao..haha so happi...oh...and we r havin 2 official daes out...one iz shoppin for prezzies dae which we will meet in the morning...split in to 2s and go shoppin for the others prezzies...and den we'll meet up for lunch den switch companions and do shoppin for the other ppl....yay! mi smart idea...okok....it's joan's idea to go in 2s....i wanted 3s cuz i tot more fun...but den we'll hav to switch partners 3 times...and i dun think tt we'll hav enough time in 1 dae...but actualli....hazel kinda got some of our prezzies alreadi so maybe we cld go in 3s...oh well...we'll see how on that dae la...right...den the other dae wld be x'mas shoppin dae...the dae wher we walk around...go watch movie...go for lunch at some sushi bar and exchange prezzies...yay! so fun...we get to see the expressions on everyone's faces tt way...and den i also won't feel so lonely opening prezzies on x'mas dae by myself....ok...now the next big thing to look forward to iz going to the zoo on deepavali....lol...so borin...nuthing to da mah...plus we get free tics...so why not! ok...so basicalli we...the sotongs went to lila's hse to clean squishy's cage...i still dunno if she iz pregnant...veri lon liao...hey...it looks abit diff leh...it looks hunched...gerry thinks it's a sign of...u noe....ok...so i guess we'll juz hav to wait and see....wah!! todae i had a pretty bad start...cuz i had to help teri brief e gurls on how to go abt debatin...den teri asked me to read out the venues and motions and hu was goin against hu...on tt dae...some ppl so evil...while i was up der tryin to tell em...i heard some whisper...'she can't even talk properly!' hey! i was tokin juz fine ok....plus it was 1st thing in the mornin...so hard to project your voice...they think they so great...den they sae lor....so bad....why r der this kinda ppl n the world?!? plus i'm tellin em cuz they dunno...not lyk i'm naggin or scoldin wad...if i was den u can critisize 4 all i care la...but i was onli doin tt for their benefit...so tt they won't screw up on tt dae...and do they hav to talk so loudly when i'm tokin? others cannot hear den how?....oh well...it's their own lost lor....thank god teri took over frm der onwards...*phew*...ok...so tts abt all...except for all tt crappin we did abt tha show WhiteChicks...cuz hazel juz saw last nite onli...and can u believe tt they actualli made us watch some stupid retarded chinese singaporean movie...called After School...nv heard of it! haiz...still muz ans some lame qns on it....wad iz thiz? some comprehension movie exercise? so toot! y do we need this kinda thing?!? haiz...atleast they're lettin us watch Findin Nemo...on wed...not so bad...except for the fact tt i've watched it twice alreadi...oh wellz...i'll juz hav to live-sleep through it....kkz...gtg...ciao! My New Best Friend Today i met a great new friend Who knew me right away It was funni how she understood All i had to say She listened to my problems She listened to my dreams We talked abt love and life She'd been der too, it seems I never once felt judge by her She knew juz how i felt She seemed to juz accept me And all the problems i'd been delt She didn't interrupt me Or need to hav her say She juz listened very patiently And didn't go away I wanted her to understand How much this meant to me But as i went to hug her Something startled me I put my arms in front of me And went to pull her nearer And realise that my new best friend Was nuthin but a mirror

~kiara~

2004-10-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS!haiz....so tired....all tim's fault!!! make us fight 4 tt stupid phone... if u wan our pics juz ask us lor!!! so much trouble...and not niz also!!! haiz...aniwae...todae i went to sch....wash cars... so fun!!! go wet abit la....haiz...den later not fun liao...cuz i had to show SOMEONE *rolls eyes* around the sch...so boring...wads der to see? den later...i saw gerry...turns out tt gerry's bro noes tim...wow! i feel lyk ny life has turned into some 'Days Of Our Life' soap opera drama show...where everyone iz connected to everyone in one way or another...den...much later...gerry played some stupid joke on me...she dumped ice down mi back....haha...quite refreshin actualli den later....joan & i filled a whole cup of ice and dumped it down tim's back...damn...bad move...this ment tt he had more ice to dump on us...shit...run 4 ya life!!! i nearly fell...on tha wet floor...skidded... oh well...later i went to do hana...dunno if tts how it iz spelt...aniwae it was tha 1st time i did it...so cool....but the color not veri dark...darker nicer....ok..so after tha family dae thingy we wen to CP tha BK der and had lunch...sat der 4 so long... ulcers killin me...so hard to eat...haiz...noe wad...the after exams life iz still not sinkin in...i still feel veri stressed...argh!!!! btw...after lunch...we went to gerry's hse so funni...i feel lyk i havn't seen her in yrs...dunno y...and i miss cupid too...aww...he's grown so big now...but still so gentle and lovable....and tt baby face iz still der...haha...he does live up to his name...haiz...i had a gd but shprt tok wif mi best friend....after lizzie and tim left...haiz...tml probably spendin e dae hangin out wif gerry agn...haha...atleast i noe it's gonna be fun...ok...atleast i think it's gonna be fun...haiz...wad else iz der to do? anywae...tt's sort of how mi dae ended....and this iz how mi entry iz gonna end....wif a poem...

Confused

My knees start to shake,

When u're in sight.

My mind iz filled wif wonder,

My heart wif fright.

When will this feeling stop?

When did it start

How can i listen to my mind,

Without breakin my heart?

I'm so confused

What shld i do?

I can't think of anything,

Except u.

Shld i ignore u,

Or juz giv it time?

I can't think straight,

My heart controls my mind.

PS: juz one of those days i'm missin u so bad....

~kiara~

i'll bring u more than a song....not exactly

2004-10-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! haiz...alright...all i hav to sae iz alreadi said my mi sis...so i've got nuthin to tok abt now...oh wellz...how abt a song for a change? one tt i luv to sing along too...and since it's on SI tonite...why not put it down....

SHERYL CROW-Soak Up The Sun

My friend the communist

Holds meetings in his RVI can't afford his gas

So I'm stuck here watching TV

I don't have digital

I don't have diddly squat

It's not having what you want

It's wanting what you've got

[CHORUS:]

I'm gonna soak up the sun

Gonna tell everyone

To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)

I've got no one to blame

For every time I feel lame

I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun

I'm gonna soak up the sun

I've got a crummy job

It don't pay near enough

To buy the things it takes

To win me some of your love

Every time I turn around

I'm looking up, you're looking down

Maybe something's wrong with you

That makes you act the way you do

Maybe i am crazy too

[CHORUS]

I'm gonna soak up the sun

While it's still free

I'm gonna soak up the sun

Before it goes out on me

Don't have no master suite

I'm still the king of me

You have a fancy ride, but baby

I'm the one who has the key

Every time I turn around

I'm looking up, you're looking down

Maybe something's wrong with you

That makes you act the way you do

Maybe I am crazy too

[CHORUS]

I'm gonna soak up the sun

Got my 45 on

So I can rock on.

PS: u've taken a piece of my heart when u left....will i ever get it back? plz...i need tt piece to luv agn...

~kiara~

something to think abt

2004-10-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! wah! no one online now...think they r all watchin singapor idol..oh well...i'll take this time to type den. todae i didn't do much todae...dunno where all the time went to...haiz...some more gossip on tha bad thing i told u happened yesterdae...now the whole sch noes...i wish they will grow up and be more matured...in tt sense....i mean i';m not veri matured myself...but tts a diff story... atleast i noe right frm wrong. haiz....i lyk got no mood to do things these days...dun ask me why... i feel lyk i'm so bogged down by dunno wad also...exams r over...shld be free and happi rite... but i dun feel lyk...can somebody tell me y?!? alright...todae i was reading my Chicken Soup for the soul book...and i read something that got me thinkin real hard....the title of this story is 'When No Words Seem Appropriate' well...i'm not gonna type it out cuz it iz too long...but basically its about how you shouldn't tell your friends 'i know how u feel' cuz u don't, 'you'll get over it' cuz they won't & 'never mind you'll do better next time' cuz it won't help people tell others these all the time btw... so u ask...den wad shld i sae? well...sae "i'm here. i care. anytime. anywhere." i will talk abt your love one. we'll laugh abt the good old memories . i won't mind how long u grieve. i won't tell u to pull yourself together. No, i don't noe how u feel-but wif sharing, perhaps you'll feel and find ya burden has eased...i though abt tt and realised the ans to all my frustrations.....was tt no one knew that by saying all that, they change nuthing and all the times i've told others abt wad i was goin tru, all the replys i got was something lyk tt...and sometimes even a uninterested "so?" it hurts alot btw.....and of course it's not done on purpose....but u don't noe how much hurt it will cuz someone by sayin tt....i mean...the person took the trouble to tell u abt her problems, thinking that someone wld understand and offer advice...but more often juz wanting someone to listen....it's heart breaking u noe....i swear i'll nv do tt to anyone ever agn...even if i had a bad dae...a little effort can go a long distance....ok... that's all i hav to sae todae...or maybe a poem to end off the dae...frm the same bk i've read...

I Need Y0u Now

My friend, i need u now-

Please take me by the hand.

Stand by me in my hour of need,

Take time to understand.

Take my hand dear friend,

And lead me frm this place.

Chase away my doubts and my fears,

Wipe the tears off my face.

Friend, i cannot stand alone.

I need your hand to hold,

the warmth of your gentle touch

In my world that's grown so cold.

Please be a friend to me

And hold me day by day.

Because with your loving hand in mine,

I know we'll find the way.

by: Becky Tucker

~ kiara~

2004-10-20T00:30:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! haha...todae quite fun...sch todae was also veri fun...i played darts....yay!!! got all 6 into tha middle!!! not bad...not bad...but i was so pissed wif someone todae...all my hard work leh!!!! wah lau!!! oh well...small thing la...btw so many bad things happened todae...something big also...not gonna sae it her...but u ppl shld noe...and the small one...haha...i 4got to bring my hp...i miss it so bad...haiz...ok...den after sch...teri and i went to tim's hse...play pool and ping pong...den went 4 mass...haiz... so tired now...we walked all e way der...lesson i learned todae. some ppl are not comfortable wif some ppl...it takes all kinds of ppl to make up the world..and the easiest way to solve this prob iz to not mix...yup...everyones happi tt way rite!!! k... abt debate!!! yay!!! for once i get to judge and not debate! ah...the joy of seein others step into ya shoes for once... teri shld agree wif me...rite?....ok...i promise to post mi results...so here they are... ENGLISH~70% CHINESE~50% E-MATHS~70% A-MATHS~35% BIOLOGY~64% CHEMISTRY~65% PHYSICS~i can't rmb SOCIAL.S~50% LITERATURE~68% so lousy....haiz...at least i onli failed one...i go sec4 can liao....ok...todae...i was bored...so i wrote another poem...if u wld care to read...

YOU WERE...

you were my one and onli frien

who realli understood
who always had my back
and did everything for my own gd
you were the angel sent frm heaven
to brighten up my dae
only u cld make me happi
and drive my blues away
you were on a mission
to take gd care of me
u taught me everything about life
before u set me free
you were always der for me
to guide and me on this journey
and to protect me frm e heat
in this weather so sunny
you were everything to me
i cldn't ask for more
i can't imagine my life wifout u

for it was u tt i lived for

~kiara~

2004-10-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

yOzIeS! haiz....got back more papers todae...haven't gotten back EL yet...so tml den i post mi result kk....*suspense* wah...got so many things to do...debate to plan...i'm goin crazy soon!!! argh!!! todae i brought 5 stones to sch...joan and i were playin...and teachin ppl...haha...back to the pri sch era...oh ya...yesterdae i 4got to add....I PASSED CHINESE!!!! YAY!!!! *jumps around* and i passed all the sub i tot i was gonna fai... hope i get something niz 4 x'mas...hmm.... wad shld i wish for??? ok...i'll think abt it...or maybe i'll go shoppin and see something niz...tt i realli wan. right...i can't go mass todae....tt b@#%*! won't me go....no fair....i'm lyk livin in prison.... fine...i shan't complain...later someone scold me for complainin agn...*sigh* this Sat got family dae in sch...yay!!! we get to wash cars...can praticalli hear e song playin in mi head..."car wash, car wash..." oh well....i'm not lookin forward to it actualli...some stupid family dae!!! i bet veri few parents will turn up...this iz so lame!!! the teachers realli got nothin better to do....onli wan to earn money...sae it's for poor students....well i'll be happier if they juz pass a tin around and collect money...save us all tt trouble...but wad can i do? wad has been decided will be carried out....so y not juz make the best out of it....lyk wad mi best frien was singin todae...'always look on the bright side of life' =)haiz...its nice to hav our old spot at the walk way back...i hate tha canteen....i nv wan to eat der at recess ever agn(if possible)....so noisy!!! so zi zar!!! haiz...and so not close to the ground.....ok...i've another poem specially 4 mi frienz...

Inside

Bottled up inside

Are the words i never said,

The feelings that i hide,

The lines you've never read.

You can see it in my eyes,

Read it on my face:

Trapped inside are regrets

Of the past i can't replace.

With memories that linger...

Won't seem to go away.

Why can't i be happier?

Today's a brand-new dae.

Yesterdays are over,

Even though the hurting's not.

Nothing lasts forever,

So i'll cherish wad i've got.

Don't take my love for granted,

for soon it will be gone...

All u've ever wanted

Of the love u thought you'd won.

The hurt i'm feeling now

Won't disappear overnight,

But someway, somehow,

Everything will turn out all right.

No more wishing for the past.

For it wasn't ment to be.

it didn't seem to last,

So i hav to set him free.

by Melissa Collette

PS: why iz it so hard to move on?

~kiara~

another borin dae....

2004-10-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

yozies! haiz...so boring todae...haiz....as usual...wad did i do? go sch get results...go home get lecture...go mass...get enlightenment..hee :) juz kiddin....den go home and hog e com...hey...guess wad i did to mi wall clock? i took out e hands and put a disc in tha middleof it...looks kool!!! oh well... i've gotta poem for u to read....i think it's nice....so yupz....

But U Didn't

Rmb the time u lent me your project and i spilled coke over it?

I thought u'd kill me...

But you didn't.

Rmb the time i forgot to tell u the dance was formal, and u came in jeans?

I thought u'd hate me...

But u didn't.

Rmb the times i'd flirt wif other boys to make you jealous, and u were?

I thought u'll drop me...

But u didn't.

There were plenty of things u did to put up wif me,

To make me happy, to love me,

And there are so many things i wanted to tell u when u returned...

But u didn't.

PS: thanx adrienne...for helpin me wif e music and e taggie... :)

~kiara~

when boredom gets the best of u!

2004-10-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

yozies! makin this blog has been veri difficult....so many frienz hav been helpin me....so...to all those who has taken the effort to put together this blog for me....so tt other can get to know alittle more abt me...ya noe....get inside my head...thanx alot.... :) i owe u one.... fine...let me get on wif how my dae was....well....was extremely bbbooorrriiinnnggg!!!! haiz...now i'm sooo tired...cuz i braved tha cold (it rain so heavily and we got stranded at e bus-stop) *lizzie! thiz iz all ya fault!!!!* walked so much *fine...my fault* and tried to build a sand castle...and failed and ended up buildin a mt?...yar...i call it mt everest!!! haha....i didn't hav to climb it...i'm taller than it...haha...so retarded! i'm so childish!!! ah hahaha...hu cares aniwae...i hope the bottle we burried in tha huge sand pit iz still safe and sound....until x'mas...yo...u ppl...dun bother tryin to dig 4 it...cuz u'll nv find it...muahahaha.....an deven if u do...it's not worth e effort...believe me :P rite....since todae's entry iz short...i shall paste a song below....

It's Not Easy-Five For Fighting

I can't stand to flyI'm not that naive

I'm just out to find

The better part of me

I'm more than a bird

I'm more than a plane

More than some pretty face beside a train

It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry

Fall upon my knees

Find a way to lie

About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd but don't be naive

Even Heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed but won't you conceed

Even Heroes have the right to dream

It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me

It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight

I'm not crazy:or anything:

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive

Men weren't meant to ride

With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet

Digging for kryptonite on this one way street

Only a man in a funny red sheet

Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.

wad life has to share

2004-10-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

yozies! ok...basically i made this blog so i could pen down mi thoughts....i mean type down mi thoughts...anyway....u wanna noe wad i think abt life? i think tt it's juz one long borin movie....that goes on and on...until u die...i wish tt it wld hurry up alittle....i'm runnin out of pop corns for this movie....anyway, alot happened these few days....or rather i've been doin alot of thinkin...and suddenly everything seems rather bleak....the world seems fake...lyk i'm lookin through someone elses eyes...sometimes i feel lyk i can't die....i dunno why...and when i look in the mirror, i see a stranger starin back....with no depths in her soul...tts not hu i am...i scares me how diff i am on the inside....compared to shell i'm in...i wonder how other see me on the outside and wonder if anyone realli noes the true me...i guess alot of ppl out der r thinkin the same way...so when i walk down the street and someone stops me...i'll try to see the person behind the eyes...instead...i've spent my life judgin other by who they r on the outside and regretted it...i juz keep 4gettin...oh well....i juz learned one of the things i nv knew i nv knew...but now i do...and i wish the whole world was more lyk tt.....ok...tts abt all i've to sae la....feel so sad these days...dunno y....but i can't wait 4 x'mas...haiz...mi fav time of the yr!!! yay!!!ok...ciao!

~kiara~

ps:muz thank joyce...for helpin wif set up this blog...heh...thanx!!! i owe ya one...hee